


Blended

by MerryLilHobbit



Series: Blended - Klaine [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: Family, Hate to Love, Love/Hate, M/M, Romance, blended families - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-20
Updated: 2015-10-20
Packaged: 2018-04-27 06:52:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 22,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5038126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MerryLilHobbit/pseuds/MerryLilHobbit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a bad blind date, single parents Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson find themselves stuck together at a resort for families. Based on the 2014 Adam Sandler film "Blended".</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Blended

"Yeah, you'll never believe where he brought me – Breadstix! The food is disgusting here, Rachel, and half of it's not even cooked; and _**he**_ …well, he looks like the love child of Borat and a hobbit! My first date since the divorce, and I end up with _this_ class act!"

Pulling the chain, Kurt Hummel nudged open the cubicle door with his phone tucked between his left shoulder and his ear. He approached the sink and gave a heavy sigh.

"Anyway, how are the boys doing? Is Berkley asleep?"

* * *

On the other end of the line, Rachel bit her lip. "Well…not all the way."

"THIS…T-SHIRT'S ON FIRREEE!"

* * *

Kurt frowned to himself. "Wait, hold up: why is he singing that, Rachel?"

* * *

"It's nothing," She tried to convince him down the phone, shooting a glare at the eleven year old boy who had done so; Berkley Hummel was roller-blading around the tidy kitchen with a stick in his hands, a t-shirt in flames on the end of it. "Berkley, put that out right now!"

"It's okay!" A voice said from behind Rachel; thirteen year old Oliver Hummel was standing in the doorway armed with a fire extinguisher. "I got it!" And he aimed it at the fire his brother had created.

Rachel gave a smile to herself in relief. "No, you know what, Kurt? It's all good; it's out now."

* * *

Kurt paused as he washed his hands. "What's out now? Rachel?"

* * *

Oliver turned to Rachel with the fire extinguisher. "INTRUDER ALERT!"

And he opened fire at her.

* * *

"Rachel?" Kurt repeated down the phone. "Alright, you know what, I'm coming home; can you call me back in ten minutes and pretend there's an emergency? That should get me out of this date."

There was a moment of silence from down the phone. " _Kurt?...Can we make that five minutes?_ "

* * *

Blaine Anderson sighed as he looked around the restaurant again; his date hadn't returned from the bathroom yet. Should he have been worried?

 _Good riddance_ , he thought to himself. _This date was going pretty poorly anyway._ Blaine briefly decided that he'd wait another few minutes, and if the other man hadn't returned then he'd just pay the bill and leave.

No such luck.

"Sorry about that," Kurt breathed, flinging himself back into his seat. "Had to take a phone-call…what is this?"

Blaine gave a shrug. "You seemed to be taking forever and I got hungry again, so…" He pointed to the dishes on the table between them. "Shrimp with spicy sauce on the side, breadsticks in the shape of a heart and then two beers to take the edge off."

Kurt couldn't help but wrinkle his nose in distaste. "Uh, I don't drink beer – at least, not during the week or when I have work the next morning."

"Oh." The dark-haired man gave a small nod. "Right. Okay…so…what is it that you do?"

The other man straightened up proudly. "I run a fashion line with a few of my friends for teenagers and adults; we design, make and model the clothing ourselves. It's all very modern and fashionable with the time of course."

"Cool," Blaine said unenthusiastically. "I'm pretty into fashion, though, and I've never heard your name before…maybe because I'm more of a men's fashion guy?"

Kurt narrowed his eyes slightly. "Oh? And what is it that you do, _Blaine_?"

"I actually do two jobs," He answered pointedly, trying to maintain dignity. "I do morning shifts at a sports store during the week and then I teach kids music on the weekend."

"That explains your clothes," Kurt bit out under his breath – and he wasn't wrong: his date was wearing a Buckeyes tee for Gucci's sake!

Blaine bristled at this. "Unlike some people, I don't have the luxury of spending a great deal of cash on something as meaningless as clothes – I know that there are more important things."

"Clearly," Kurt muttered dryly, reaching for his beer and taking a gulp – at the rate this was going, he was going to need it.

Blaine closed his eyes and gave a sigh. "Look, I'm sorry, I know this isn't going well. I just…I haven't been on a date in twenty years."

Though annoyed, Kurt gave a small nod in agreement. "Neither have I; I haven't been on a date since senior year of high school."

"Married in college?" Blaine prompted, and when the other man nodded he gave a nervous chuckle. "Yeah, me too. Isn't that weird? Then again, I suppose that's pretty common in this place, right? One of a statistic?"

Clearly, Kurt did not like being referred to as 'one of a statistic'. "You know, I'm curious," He gritted out icily. "With so many possible reasons, which one's the one your husband left you for?"

Blaine's grin disappeared. "Cancer."

Kurt's icy façade melted at this. "O-Oh."

"And it was my wife," The shorter man corrected in a clipped tone. "I came out after she…well."

"I'm sorry," The brunette apologized sincerely; he could understand, as his own mother had passed away of cancer when he was little. "I didn't know…I just naturally assumed that you were divorced."

"It's okay," Blaine muttered, trying to crack a joke. "I naturally assumed that your husband – or wife – shot themselves, so we're even."

Before Kurt could say anything scathing to that remark, a ringtone sounded. Blaine looked up from his plate and fished a mobile from his trouser pocket.

"Hello?" He paused, and his eyes went wide. "No! An avalanche! In our back yard? I'll be there right away!" He hung up and looked at Kurt quickly. "I have to go," He lied obviously. "Family emergency." Blaine reached into his pocket as he stood up and pulled out a twenty dollar bill. "That should cover my half – keep the change."

* * *

"He used the emergency excuse on you?!" Rachel questioned, looking livid as she helped Kurt pin their newest creation.

"As if _he_ had to escape?!" Mercedes agreed. "Like you were the horrible one? Ah, hell to the no, white boy; what a jerk!"

Kurt just gave a snort. "You were right, girls; blind dates are terrible. Everyone has a bad blind date story, and that loser is mine. I don't know why I let Santana hook me up that guy: _you have to meet this guy, he's perfect for you_ my ass!"

Rachel's pocket buzzed, and she quickly dropped the cloth she was holding to answer it; immediately a coy smile spread across her face. "Hi, Jesse!...No, I'm just at work, nothing important…I know, it was two nights ago and I'm still sore!"

Mercedes and Kurt shared a disgusted look with one another.

"Anyway, I should probably…oh, I 'l-word' you too!"

Kurt did a double take as she hung up on the phone. "Hold on, Rach; did you just say _it_ to someone? The 'l-word'?"

Rachel went bright pink.

"So, the 'l-word'?" Mercedes questioned teasingly. "Jesse, huh?"

"That's great!" Kurt exclaimed enthusiastically. "Why didn't you tell us?"

She shrugged. "Well, first of all your love life isn't going too well so I thought I wouldn't rub it in…that and I wasn't sure if you'd be mad at me."

It took him a moment to realize what she meant. "Oh, Rach…Of course I'm not mad. It's been over twenty years – Finn would want you to be happy."

"Rachel has a point though, Kurt," Mercedes agreed. "You finally went on a date and it was so awful…she probably didn't want you to feel lonely."

"Yeah; lonelier than you already feel," Rachel added.

Kurt just smiled good-naturedly. "I'm _not_ lonely. I don't need a man in my life to be happy. Besides I already have two wonderful guys in my life: Oliver and Berkley."

Rachel's smile dropped at the mention of the two boys she had babysat the night before. "Oliver needs a girlfriend, and Berkley needs ADHD medication."

"You're suggesting sex and drugs as a remedy for my children's behaviour?" Kurt asked, raising a brow.

"Enough about the kids," Mercedes interrupted eagerly. "Tell me about this Jesse guy!"

As the two girls continued to talk, Kurt turned back to the blazer he'd been pinning; for some reason, the colour he'd chosen reminded him of Adam - his ex-husband. Perhaps it was because it was the same colour as Adam's eyes…

"Kurt? Are you crying?"

Mercedes was suddenly wrapping her arms around him comfortingly. "Boo? What's the matter?"

"It's nothing," Kurt brushed off, ignoring the tears stinging his eyes. "I was just…this blazer is wrong, all wrong; it should be sexy and sleek and dark and…and…" He bit his lip. "I should have been exactly that."

"He cheated on you because he's an absolute idiot," Mercedes stated firmly. "You didn't do anything wrong, Kurt; it's him that did the wrong thing, not you."

"But….maybe if I had tried to be a bit sexier or…or something…"

Rachel also wrapped her arms around him. "Kurt, he's not worth your tears – he made his decision to do that, and he's the problem. Not you."

"He's a pig," Mercedes agreed.

Kurt bit his lip. "But the boys don't know that. They just…" His face screwed up with the effort of not crying. "They want us to get back together, a-and I don't know how to explain it to them!"

"Well it's time for them to learn that their other dad is a big pile of crap!" Rachel stated seriously, and Mercedes nodded.

"It's okay Boo," Mercedes assured him in a hushed tone. "We've got your back."

* * *

Honestly? Blaine hated his job at the sports store. But, truth be told, he needed the money more than anything else; ever since his wife had died years ago, it had been him alone supporting the bills for the house, the food, everything that they had built together.

"So?" Sam questioned, tapping his fingers on the check-out desk where Blaine was based. "How did the date go?"

"It was dreadful," Blaine said bluntly. "There was no connection at all; definitely one of my worst dates. I was so happy when you came up with the avalanche thing – it saved my life!" The blonde chuckled. "He was full of himself and such an airhead; and the way he dressed was like…an assistant principal or something. I don't think I'm ready to start dating again yet anyway."

Sam raised an eyebrow. "So you didn't even think of banging him?"

"No!" Blaine scoffed, starting to chuckle. "I'm out of the dating anyway; it's time and money I should be spending with my kids."

The blonde gave his friend a shove and grinned as he looked over his shoulder. "Speaking of: Anderson girl number one is approaching!"

Sure enough, Blaine recognized the short bright red hair belonging to his eldest daughter coming up to the counter, clutching a binder to her chest and looking around at the mostly-male customers with a sharp look.

"Hey, Sammi!" Blaine called cheerfully, and he raised his hand in a fist.

His daughter rolled her eyes at him. " _Samantha_ , Dad, which is bad enough."

"Okay, _Samantha_ ," Blaine gave her a look. "You gonna leave me hanging, _Samantha_?" Samantha relented after a moment and fist bumped him, a hint of a smile on her face. "Awesome. Anyway, that new camping equipment should be in soon enough, just in time for Spring Break-"

"We're going camping in our back yard again this year?" Samantha asked incredously, groaning slightly.

"Is there a problem with that?" Her dad asked, raising a brow. "You too old or something?"

She shuffled on the spot and bit her lip. "No," She lied, not wanting to hurt his feelings. "It's just that some of the other kids in my year are going to nice places, like…Florida…or Colorado or…even Switzerland."

"Okay…so you got a lot of rich kids in your school," Blaine shrugged off, looking somewhat apologetic. "Sammi, you know that we don't have that kind of money, sweetie."

"I know," Samantha sighed, turning away. "I just thought it'd be nice to go someplace, that's all."

As Blaine watched her walk off, he couldn't help but sigh to himself; he tried to do the best by his kids, he really did, but he wasn't earning that kind of money. He knew it wasn't fair on them, especially fifteen-year-old Samantha, who really needed to be doing that kind of thing.

"You know where you can take her that's cheap?" Sam started jokingly, giving Blaine a nudge out of his thoughts. "My strip class!"

Blaine rolled his eyes and shoved the blonde away. "Ah, piss off!"

* * *

Samantha sighed as she shoved her rucksack onto the counter and took a moment for a breather; she had to keep it calm. After all, her dad was trying his best, and that was what mattered; she should have been supporting him, not nagging.

"Excuse me, sir? I'm here to pick up my basketball uniform."

Samantha blinked at the guy who had approached the counter in disbelief. "Did you just call me _sir_?"

He shrugged. "Yeah."

"I'm a _girl_."

The other teen did a double take. "Oh…er…"

She shook her head, shouldered her bag and strutted away; she knew that her hair was short and she was wearing a tracksuit – and she was skinny as anything – but did she really look like a boy?

* * *

At the Hummel house, Kurt was preparing dinner while Oliver sat at the counter; his eldest son was meant to be doing Math homework on Algebra, though Kurt knew that he struggled with that subject.

"How's the tutoring coming on?" He asked lightly, chopping some onions. "Is he helping?"

Oliver looked up from his book and paused for a moment. "Did you go on a date last night?"

"A date?" Kurt pretended to scoff, hoping to throw his son off. "Who told you I went on a date?"

Oliver smirked knowingly. "You should really change your password, Dad – or should I say, Mr 'one-one-nine-nine'."

The brunette immediately halted his chopping, mouth falling open. "That's the last time I use your birthday as a password…I can't believe that you read my e-mails, Oliver Finn Hummel!" He frowned at his son sternly. "I love you, but you know the rules about respecting each other's privacy in this household, young man!"

The teen just looked at his father coolly. "Who's Blaine?"

"Nobody," Kurt answered honestly. "A _buffoon_ if anything. Trust me, hun, it was _nothing_."

Oliver hesitated. "Promise?"

"Promise," He agreed.

The back door to the kitchen opened and a tiny figure came skating into the kitchen yelling at the top of his lungs. "I'M ON TOP OF THE WORLD! WEEEEEEE!"

Kurt straightened up. "Hey, no wheels in the house, Berkley!" He exclaimed sternly, moving to try and catch his youngest son. "I've told you before!"

Oliver, thankful for the distraction from his homework, grinned. "Tackle him, Dad! Take him down!"

"Did your dad take you for ice-cream on the way home from school?!" Kurt questioned, unsuccessfully trying to grab Berkley.

"Spank him!"

Berkley laughed. "Vanilla, cookie dough and chocolate chip!" He dodged past his father. "I'M THE KING OF THE WORLD!"

He ran over to his brother, reached over the counter and grabbed Oliver's homework before running out of the kitchen in the direction of the stairs. "HEY! GIVE ME THAT BACK!"

Kurt, feeling useless, watched after them. "No fighting!" He tried to order weakly. "We respect family, remember!"

"I always did."

He spun around and found himself face to face with Adam; in an attempt to appear cool-headed and calm, he frowned and started towards his ex-husband. "How many times do I have to tell you not to pump Berkley full of sugar before you drop him home?"

Adam, looking ever so relaxed with his slumped posture and Berkley's schoolbag on his back, rolled his eyes. "Oh come on, Kurt," He said in his British accent. "I thought going out for ice-cream with dad was meant to be a lasting memory for kids – at least in America."

"Yes," Kurt allowed. "Well, maybe if _dad_ spent more time with him then the memories wouldn't have to be so lasting."

The older man sighed. "It's so great spending time with you, Kurt," He muttered sarcastically, dropping Berkley's bag to the floor.

Taking a deep breath, the brunette rubbed at his temples before putting a smile on his face. "Hi."

"Hi," Adam repeated, also smiling coyly. "How are you?"

"I'm fine," Kurt said pleasantly. "Are you going to Berkley's game on Saturday?"

Adam looked offended by this. "Yes! Of course!"

"Great," Kurt said, still in a falsely pleasant voice. "I'll put you down."

As he moved across the kitchen to the refrigerator, Adam quipped, "Well, that is what you do best."

"On the _board_ , Adam," The other man stressed, rolling his eyes.

"They don't need a board," His ex-husband stated firmly. "A list? Come on, Kurt, they know that they can count on me."

"DAD?!" That was Berkley's voice. "CAN YOU HELP ME DO MY HOMEWORK?!"

Adam started to back away. "Uh…sorry, bud, I can't: I have to go to a thing! Ask your dad…" As he opened the door and slipped out, and side-eyed Kurt. "This is not an example of my behaviour, by the way!"

Kurt watched him leave, arms folded, and sighed to himself; great, just what the boys needed – why couldn't Adam just be there for them for one afternoon?

" _Dad?...Did you leave_?"

* * *

Meanwhile in the Anderson household, Samantha was in the upstairs bathroom; shirt off and standing in her sports bra, she examined her chest in the mirror critically. It was official: she had to do something about her chest if she wanted to be seen as a girl.

Mind made up, she reached for the packet of gel shoe liners and opened it to grab one. Ignoring the sticky feel of it, she folded it up and stuffed it into her bra before examining herself once again in the mirror – it was a far better improvement, and she grinned in satisfaction. She reached to pick up the other one, again folding it and moving to put it into her other bra cup.

Just as she was positioning it, the bathroom door opened.

"Hey, Sammi, do you want to- OH MY GOD!"

Samantha hurriedly reached into her bra and pulled out both of the shoe liners, throwing them at the mirror, where they stuck. "DAAD! GET OUT!"

"OH MY-"

"GET OUT!"

Blaine hurriedly exited, slamming the door behind him and burning red in the face.

"Jesus, Dad! Why didn't you knock?!"

"I'm sorry, honey," Blaine called through the door, rubbing at his neck awkwardly. "I didn't see anything!"

Samantha, on the other side of the door, buried her face in her hands. "OH! Thanks a lot!"

Realizing what she meant, Blaine went even redder. "NO! No, I mean…there was plenty to see…NO! No, I…I didn't see any gelling going on…" Knowing he was just making it worse, he went with his only back-up. "How about a fist bump?"

"NO!"

"Sammi," Blaine said seriously. "We both need this fist bump."

After a moment, the door opened a fraction and his daughter's hand appeared; Blaine quickly bumped it before the hand retreated and the door slammed shut.

_Well, that could have gone a lot better._

In the sudden silence, Blaine heard a voice talking; turning around, he realized it was coming from Espn's room and decided to see what was going on. Having learnt his lesson not five minutes previously, he made sure to knock on the door before opening it.

"Hey, how we doing today?"

Espn – his second oldest daughter – was sat on her bed, facing an empty chair; when he entered, she looked up at him. "I'm talking to Mom."

"Great," Blaine muttered, giving a small nod of the head – she'd been doing this for quite some time now. "What are you guys talking about?"

Espn bit her lip, looking at the chair and back again. "Girl stuff."

"Oh. Cool." He hesitated. "You know, I'm pretty good with girl stuff too, you know."

Espn sighed and turned to the chair. "Excuse me a second." She stood up and walked over to Blaine, looking somewhat apologetic and awkward. "Thanks, Dad," She said sincerely, putting a hand on the door and starting to shut it again. "But I really just want to talk to Mom."

Blaine nodded. "Okay. Sure. Say hi from me."

He seriously wasn't doing well today with his kids.

"DADDY!"

At least there was still Allie; she was only five years old, and so she was still particularly close to him – which he didn't mind at all.

As she reached the top of the stairs, she gestured to herself. "I'm all out of stickers."

Blaine looked over her and grinned to himself; she was absolutely _covered_ in stickers of all kinds, from Disney princesses to dinosaurs. "You're all out of face. What happened to you?"

She giggled as he reached down to pick her up. "Can I play with Espn now?"

"Espn is having her quiet time."

Allie gave a serious nod. "Oh. With invincible Mommy?" She whispered so that her sister wouldn't overhear.

Also dropping his voice to a whisper, Blaine nodded. " _Invisible_ , yes."

Allie gave a small sigh. "It's not fair that only Espn gets to see her. I wish I could see her."

"I know," Blaine agreed quietly. "Me too. Tell you what, how about we get you some mac and cheese?"

Allie grinned and nodded. "Mac and Cheese!"

* * *

Though the day was sunny that Saturday and the air warm, Berkley wasn't smiling – his team was winning, he was up next and Kurt was in the stands watching…but his other dad wasn't, and that was what mattered.

Kurt, at the point, was distraught and on the phone with Adam. "He's looking around here, trying to find you!" He hissed. "You knew it was today, I've sent you reminders every day this week!"

"The meeting went on longer than expected," He heard Adam argue. "What do you want from me?"

Pissed off, Kurt growled, "I just want you to be a dad!" before hanging up all together. He _knew_ he couldn't count on Adam…but Berkley was so looking forward to him coming…

One of the guys sitting behind Kurt gave a chuckle. "Why don't you hop over to the snack truck, see if they have any chill pills?"

"Chill pills?" They both turned to see Rachel and Mercedes walking arm-in-arm to the stands to sit with Kurt. "Why don't you 'bust a move' back to the nineteen-seventies?"

"What are you guys doing here?" Kurt asked, though he was pleased. "You're both at a baseball game?"

Mercedes laughed. "Berry's got some exciting news!"

As they sat down, Rachel beamed. "I'm going on a mystery trip with Jesse!"

"Oh. That's great!" Kurt added, giving her a smile. "Where's he taking you?"

"I have no idea – he's so much fun!" Rachel gushed. "I'm so excited though!"

" _Now for batter twenty…Berkley Hummel!_ "

Kurt sat up, turning his attention back to the game at this announcement. "Oh, that's him-… COME ON BERKLEY!" The three of them cheered as the eleven year old approached the base, looking somewhat nervous.

Another man – sitting next to the one from earlier – looked appalled. "They're putting _this_ kid in?"

The first guy nodded. "It's a league rule; every kid has to play two innings… Even kids like him."

The three friends turned around immediately, severely annoyed.

"-You better shut your mouth!-"

"-You asshole, he's only eleven-"

"-Go invade a disco or something, loser-"

The two guys looked at each other wordlessly, both speechless by this.

"Hey," Mercedes pitched in, turning back to the game. "How old is that pitcher? He's got a moustache."

 _Come on, Berkley_ , Kurt thought desperately. _You can do it._

The pitcher aimed and threw it in; Berkley closed his eyes and swung the bat – he missed.

"STRIKE ONE!"

"That's okay, honey!" Kurt called, clapping to try and encourage his son. "You can do it! Shake it off!"

Rachel and Mercedes didn't look so convinced. "Kurt, he's not going to have one of his meltdowns, is he?" Mercedes asked nervously.

"No," Kurt said, slightly sharp. "He's got two more swings; he'll be fine."

"Okay…well, I think I'll go now just in case," Rachel announced, standing up; a moment later, she sat down again. "Oh, by the way: I need a week off."

Kurt gave a small nod, still watching the game. "Sure…when's the vacation?"

"Two weeks from today."

"Okay…wait," Kurt realized, groaning slightly to himself. "That won't work, Rach; it's Spring Break so I'll be off to take care of the boys."

The pitcher threw the ball again – and, again, Buckley missed, completely swinging out of time.

"STRIKE TWO!"

"It's okay, Berk, you've got this!" Kurt shouted across the field, although he was starting to feel nervous now.

One of the guys from behind snorted to his friend. "Check out what happens when this kid strikes out!"

All three of them spun around at once.

"-You have been warned, you rat!-"

"-One more comment like that and I will _throw_ this bag _in_ your face, accessories and all-"

"-Can't you keep your mouth shut, you absolute scumbag?!-"

The guy sat back once again, looking somewhat terrified.

Turning back, Rachel looked at Kurt curiously. "I thought Adam was taking the kids water rafting or something."

"Shocker: he cancelled," Kurt muttered sarcastically, quite bitter over it. "Business trip or something. Now I'm tearing my hair out trying to come up with something that'll compete with that."

Mercedes gave him an apologetic look. "I don't think you will, Kurt."

"Exactly," Rachel agreed, leaning into him. "And why should we both be miserable?"

Before Kurt could answer that, the pitcher threw the ball in one final time – and, of course, Berkley missed.

The eleven year old gave a yell of frustration. "I HATE THIS I HATE THIS! I SUCK AT THIS!" He screamed, banging his baseball bat against the ground.

"Oh no," Kurt sighed sadly.

Berkley's temper tantrum continued with him kicking the floor angrily, still screaming and yelling. After a moment he lifted up the base and threw it across the field at a nearby team-mate.

" _Oh boy, here we go again_ ," The girl commentating groaned.

Kurt couldn't help but drop his head in his hands as his son began to roll around on the floor – this was not how he had wanted the match to go.

The man sitting behind them leaned over and smirked. "Maybe he should try badminton!"

This was it – the final straw.

"Maybe _you_ should try mouthwash!" Kurt snapped, standing up and glaring at the man.

"And deodorant!" Rachel added.

"And some testosterone supplement!" Mercedes agreed hotly.

"And Cialis! I'm just assuming !"

The two men sat in silence for a moment, looking stunned. Finally, the man's friend quickly added, "And shave your neck!" When his friend looked at him, he shrugged. "What? It's very hairy!"

Kurt, Rachel and Mercedes shared looks of agreement.

* * *

Later that night, Kurt was tasked with having to calm down a tearful Berkley; it broke his heart to hear his eleven year old son sob about his other dad not turning up, and Kurt desperately wished that Adam was there just so that he could slap him.

Once he'd finally calmed his son down, he sent his youngest off to bed and decided to get a start on the household chores – night time was the only time he got the time to do those, what with the full-time job and kids. That night was laundry duty; this involved going into the boys' bedrooms and collecting all of their dirty clothes.

Out of the two of them, Oliver was definitely the messiest; entering his room was like entering a battleground. Stepping over Lego spacecrafts, DVDs and shoes, Kurt began collecting the t-shirts strewn across the floor; he could see one sticking out from under his son's bed, so Kurt bent to retrieve it.

This, of course, led to the discovery of many other dirty clothes, and Kurt hastily retrieved them all. It was only when the area was cleared that he noticed a page from a magazine lying there. Curious, he reached for it and straightened it out.

He immediately wished he hadn't.

His son had a _centrefold_ of some naked woman, clearly taken from a porn magazine; besides the fact he was gay, it was disturbing for Kurt to see this in his _son_ 's room…and then he noticed that his son had posted a familiar face over the model's.

Rachel's face, to be exact.

Kurt shuddered and closed his eyes; when he opened them it was still there. Disgusted, he acted on instinct and tore the image to shreds – over and over again in the hopes that _maybe_ it would also eliminate the image of it from his mind.

It was only when he was finished that he remembered what he'd said to Oliver at the beginning of the week.

" _I love you, but you know the rules about respecting each other's privacy in this household, young man!"_

"Great," Kurt muttered to himself, sighing.

He was going to have to replace it.

* * *

Though Allie had her own room, she far preferred to sit with Blaine in his bed, falling asleep alongside him, because he was warm and cuddly. So that was where the two found themselves that evening; lying in Blaine's bed together, snuggled up and watching late night re-runs of _Looney Tunes_ on the television.

"Daddy?" Allie asked suddenly, breaking the silence between them.

Blaine looked at her briefly, engrossed in the cartoon. "Yeah?"

"What do you miss about Mommy?"

He hesitated slightly. "What do I miss about Mommy?" He repeated, looking at his youngest seriously. "Well…everything. I mean, I miss her laugh, her smile, and her little nose – which she gave to you." Allie gave a small giggle. "I miss having to watch _The Wizard of Oz_ because of her…"

"I love that movie," Allie agreed, pleased by this.

"I know," Blaine chuckled lowly. "She'd always sing the songs to us – especially _Over the Rainbow_. That one was her favourite." He gave a small sigh. "But you know what I miss the most about her?"

"What?"

"Getting to tell her how much I love her."

This was no lie; deep down, he had loved her. Louise had been a kind and caring woman, and she had loved him too; even when he realized he was gay, she was supportive. It was love, but a different kind of love.

"Are you allowed to do that with anyone else?" His daughter asked quietly.

"Am I allowed?" Blaine repeated slowly. "Well…before your mother left, all she could talk about was me finding somebody else but I told her that…that I can't, because she's my one and only." He tried not to tear up at the memory.

Allie looked up at him, entranced. "And what did Mommy say?"

"Mommy said…Your Mommy said, ' _My heart is so big that it has room for two_ '." He tried to crack a grin. "That's another thing that I miss about her, Al; she actually thought I was pretty awesome."

Allie grinned. " _I_ think you're awesome, Daddy."

"Aw, thanks sweetheart."

As he wrapped his arms around her and pressed a kiss to her forehead, there was a knock on the open bedroom door; when he looked up, he saw Samantha standing there looking rather awkward.

"Hey, Dad?" She started nervously. "I…uhh…have a personal errand that I need to run, and I need to borrow the car."

"Well, you can't drive without me yet," Blaine pointed out. "And someone's got to stay here with your sisters."

Samantha rolled her eyes and went pink. " _Dad_. I have a _personal_ _errand_."

"What does that mean?" He questioned, looking confused; by this point, he had no idea what was going on.

Allie's mouth opened in understanding and she turned her head to him. "Dad, she's _monsterating_."

Blaine raised a brow. " _What?"_

"I HAVE MY PERIOD!" Samantha exclaimed, now bright red as she threw her hands in the air and walked away.

"Oh!" Blaine went red too. "I'm sorry…I…err…forgot that you get those!"

* * *

The feminine hygiene section at the grocery store just plain baffled Blaine, to say the least; why were there so many different brands? So many different types? He couldn't wrap his head around it. " _Tampax_ heavy flow? _Poise_ feminine wash?...What the heck's a diva cup?!" Not quite knowing what to do, he picked up the closest packet and examined it.

Meanwhile, Kurt was only a few feet away; in his arms was a stack of something he never thought he'd ever have – porn magazines for straight males. Of course, he wasn't sure which magazine the centrefold he had torn apart had belonged to, so his only option was to pick up one of every different magazine.

And then he saw the very last person in the world that he wanted to see: the bad-date-guy Blaine. He quickly ducked out of sight, hoping he hadn't been seen.

But he was a second too late; Blaine grinned as he noticed Kurt and made his way over to the other man.

"Hi!" He greeted in a mock-cheerful voice, just as Kurt hid the magazines under the flap of his coat. "Don't tell me…"

" _Kurt_."

He nodded. "Yeah, that's it! Kurt!"

"And you're Mister Breadstix," Kurt replied dryly.

"Blaine." He pointed to Kurt's chest. "What's going on with them then? Changing teams? Reading for the articles? Don't tell me; you're going to make a mood board and stick clothes on the naked bodies?"

Kurt bit his lip and sighed as he removed the magazines again. "No. These are for my son actually."

Blaine gave a rather dirty grin. "Oh. I see."

"No," The other man said sharply. "I found a centrefold under his bed and I…I tore it up."

"Why?"

"Because…because he pasted a picture of one of my best friends' face on it," Kurt admitted, grimacing to himself.

Blaine furrowed his eyebrows. "Woah. That's just…sick and weird…Is she hot?"

"Oh, very funny," Kurt muttered. "But if you had kids I bet you'd underst-"

"Three daughters," Blaine interrupted smoothly.

Kurt stopped speaking. " _You_ have three daughters?"

He nodded. "Yeah. And what about you? Any other kids, or is it just the one?"

"No...he has a younger brother."

Blaine gave another nod. "Alright. So, what, are you here to replace it before the kid finds out?"

"Yes, but I don't know which magazine it's from," Kurt admitted, looking down at the ones in his arms. "I mean, I've never read this stuff in my life…"

"Do you have any remnants of it left?"

Kurt looked around quickly, making sure that no one else was watching. "Yes. I do." He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper, handing it to Blaine. "I tried to tape it back together, but…I don't know…"

The other man opened up the paper and examined it carefully. "Okay… _Snapper_ magazine."

The brunette shot him a suspicious look. "How can you tell?"

"My friend at work showed me this copy last week," Blaine said simply.

Sighing, Kurt dumped the pile in his arms on the shelf and picked up the identified magazine. "Right, well, thank you…"

"Well, actually," Blaine hurriedly started, stopping him from escaping. "I do kind of need a bit of help…actually, no, you know what, you probably won't-"

"What is it?" Kurt questioned impatiently.

Blaine meekly held out the box of tampons in his hand. "My daughter needs…these. Have I…you know…"

Kurt looked at it and snorted humorously, taking the box in his hand. "These are for your _daughter_?"

"Yeah. She's fifteen and her… _friend_ just paid a visit."

The brunette couldn't help but laugh to himself. "Yeah, well, these are for a much older _friend_ …a much heavier _friend_ staying in a much bigger _room_ than your daughter has."

Blaine looked puzzled – and then it hit him. "Oh! Oh gross!"

Kurt just smirked and re-placed the box on the shelf before picking up another one. "Here."

"How do you know so much about tampons anyway?" Blaine questioned, somewhat suspicious.

"My friends have all gone through it," Kurt said easily, shaking his head as they approached the counter. "Trust me, it's more than I want to know."

* * *

"You know, I can't believe that _you_ have three girls," Kurt said derisively as they left the shop. "I can't even imagine you with three girls."

Blaine sent him a sharp look. "Don't then."

Realizing he'd been slightly rude, Kurt gave a small sigh. "Sorry. So, what are their names?"

"Samantha, Allie and Espn."

Kurt wrinkled his brow. "Espn? That's…unique. Is it biblical?"

"No," Blaine said, starting to chuckle. "Named after me and my brother's favourite network."

"What are you…" And then it clicked. "No," Kurt said in disbelief. "God, your wife must have been a saint!"

Blaine's chuckles disappeared. "Yeah. She was." He looked Kurt up and down. "Then again, I suppose your ex must have been pretty patient having to deal with the jerk-off."

"Hey, watch it!" Kurt snapped quickly. "That's my son you're talking about! At least I don't bring my dates to cheap places like Breadstix!"

"That place was too good for you," The shorter man shot at him, turning away and heading for his car. "You know what, I'm done with this. Good luck with the chronic masturbator!"

* * *

Kurt honestly didn't want to be the one to deliver this news – but who else was going to do it?

"Unfortunately, your dad has had to cancel the water rafting trip," He told Oliver and Berkley, and they both immediately looked distraught. "A business trip came up, so he's going to have to postpone it until the summer."

"What?" Berkley cried.

"So we're stuck here doing nothing again?" Oliver questioned angrily.

Kurt hurriedly raised his hands in an attempt to calm them down. "Don't worry, I have plans-"

"Like what?" Berkley asked, slumping back on the sofa. "Like going bowling and to the mall for _more_ clothes?"

The doorbell rang, and both of the boys suddenly leapt up out of their seats. "I bet that's dad!" Oliver announced excitedly.

"Maybe he'll take us on his business trip!"

Oliver threw open the door, ready to see their father; instead they were met face-to-face with a short man with gelled hair, wearing a bowtie and patterned cardigan, on their door step.

"Is your dad home?" He asked.

Oliver frowned at him. "What do you mean? Who are you?"

"I'm Blaine…?"

"Blaine?" Oliver repeated, narrowing his eyes. "As in, 'blaine669'?"

"Yes? Why? How do you know my e-mail?" Blaine asked, raising an eyebrow at them.

Berkley crossed his arms. "What do you want?"

"I need to talk to your dad for a minute-"

"Well, he's not interested in you," Oliver interrupted sharply. "So you can back off!"

Blaine gave a small laugh. "Right. Okay. Believe me, I don't like him either, so you don't have to worry. Unfortunately I have to sort something out with him."

"Boys! Who's at the…oh." Kurt stopped when he saw Blaine. "What do you want now?"

Oliver looked up at his father angrily. "You lied! You do like him, don't you?!"

"What? Honey, I didn't lie, I don't like him!" Kurt argued, outraged by this. "He's a buffoon, just like I told you."

"You know what, don't talk to me right now!" And with that, Oliver stormed away towards the stairs with Berkley following after him.

"Great," Kurt muttered to himself before turning to the man on his doorstep. "Right. What do you want?"

Blaine lifted up a credit card. "The cashier at the pharmacy mixed up our cards. I take it you _are_ Kurt Hummel?"

Kurt blinked and stepped back to let him in. "Oh. God, I've been losing it lately – what's wrong with me?" As he led the way to the kitchen, he halted suddenly. "Hang on; how do you know where I live?"

Blaine shrugged. "Searched you up on _Google_ ; just typed in, 'fashion designer Kurt' and you popped up."

The back door to the kitchen slammed open, and Rachel stormed into the house; her face was red and tear-stained. "Kurt? We have to talk!"

"Rach!" Kurt immediately put his arm around her, forgetting about Blaine entirely. "Rachel, what's wrong?"

She gave a loud sniff. "It's over between me and Jesse!"

"Over?! What do you mean 'over'?" Kurt asked, rather confused. "You just started using the 'l-word'."

Blaine raised a triangular eyebrow. "The 'l-word'? Are you gay too?"

"Who is this?" Rachel asked, gesturing to him.

"I'm Blaine."

Rachel looked at Kurt unsurely. "Blaine? The bad-date-guy?"

Kurt gave a grave nod. "Unfortunately."

"But you said that that was a disaster!"

"It was."

"And that he was a hobbit!"

"He is."

Blaine cleared his throat. "Sorry to interrupt, but I'm right here."

"Our cards got switched," Kurt explained. "Anyway, what happened with Jesse?"

"He just dropped a major bomb on me-"

"He's married," Kurt finished, giving an understanding nod.

Rachel sighed. "No – worse. He's got kids!"

Kurt and Blaine both stared at her for a moment – and then they both laughed pityingly. It was only when he heard Blaine's deep chuckles that Kurt remembered he was still there.

"You're still here – why?" Kurt asked icily.

Blaine raised another brow. "You still have my card – why?"

The brunette shook his head for a moment before turning back to his friend. "Wait, so you're going to break it off with him just because he has children?"

" _Five_ children, Kurt. _Five_. He asked me if I wanted to be a part of 'the team' – no I don't!" She stated, looking appalled at the idea. "I mean, yes, it would make me rather like Julie Andrews in _The Sound of Music_ and Lord knows how much I love that musical, but I'm not ready for that kind of commitment!"

"Well, why don't you go on the trip?" Kurt suggested. "Spend some alone time with him and-"

"Oh no," Rachel interrupted. "He wanted the kids to come with _us_ on the trip. He wanted me to 'get to know them'."

Blaine paused for a moment. "Hang on…five kids…is his last name 'St. James' by any chance?"

Rachel eyed him up. "Yes."

He gave a laugh. "Woah, that's weird! See, Jesse St. James owns the company I work for that run music lessons; I teach under his guidance and rules!"

"Where was he going to take you?" Kurt asked, ignoring the other man completely.

Rachel gave a sigh and pulled out a pamphlet from her handbag. "Africa. It was going to be incredible, see? Sun, sand, safaris…"

Kurt flicked through it, with Blaine looking over his shoulder. "Oh my God…"

"He must really like you a lot," Blaine muttered in agreement.

Kurt gave an annoyed huff and reached for his wallet; he pulled one of the cards out and held it for Blaine to take. "And this concludes our business, goodbye."

They swapped cards, and Blaine headed for the door as he muttered a 'thank you'.

Once he had gone, Kurt turned back to Rachel – and idea was forming on his mind. "So…so is he going to go to Africa all by himself with his kids now?"

"No," Rachel sighed, heading for the fridge. "He's heartbroken, so now nobody gets to go. Damn, why does it have to be joint custody?!"

"This is a week away, Rach," Kurt pointed out carefully. "I hope he can get his money back." He paused, pretending to have gotten an idea before approaching Rachel with a pleading look. "Rachel, my boys would give anything to go on a vacation like this…"

* * *

Outside, Blaine had hurriedly dialled the number of Jesse St. James and was walking down the garden path with the phone pressed against his ear.

"Mr St. James, hi!" He greeted. "It's Blaine Anderson…"

* * *

"I don't mean to be a vulture picking at the carcass of your dead relationship," Kurt said breathlessly. "But I wonder.."

* * *

"-If you'd be willing to sell me the tickets to the vacation you were going to go on?" Blaine asked tentatively.

* * *

"I mean, I've been saving and saving but I could never give them full value for it-"

* * *

"-But something's better than nothing, sir!"

* * *

"It would just be the three of us, of course," Kurt hurriedly added.

* * *

"It'd just be the four of us," Blaine explained. "We'd only need one room…"

* * *

"Wait until I tell the boys!"

* * *

"Wait until I tell the girls!"

* * *

" _WE'RE GOING TO AFRICA!"_


	2. Chapter 2

Africa was, in short, one of the most beautiful places on the planet – when one took away the starving children, poverty and famine, of course. The resort for the vacation was free of all of these things, though, and so it was with glee that families arrived on buses, cars and planes to start the holiday.

One family exiting the bus was the Hummel family; Kurt was dressed in his usual jeans and stylish shirt, though he had rid himself of the cardigan after feeling how hot Africa was, and it was with one hand on each of his son's shoulders that he steered them towards the hotel.

"I can't believe that we're here!" Berkley breathed, looking around in wonder.

"This _is_ pretty cool, Dad!" Oliver agreed, rather impressed.

Kurt smiled to himself in satisfaction. "So I did good? This is better than bowling in the mall?"

Both boys looked at each other and grinned. "Yeah!" They both exclaimed in unison, and they were suddenly hugging Kurt around his middle.

 _I do love these two_ , Kurt thought to himself happily, squeezing them back with all his might; he was determined to make this the best trip for them _ever_.

It was only when the three separated and Oliver turned around that he noticed a familiar face – one that he did _not_ want to see.

"What the fu-"

"Oliver!" Kurt admonished sternly.

He looked up at his father in disbelief. "What the hell is _he_ doing here?!" And he gestured to the man in question.

Kurt looked up and his heart sank; no more than ten feet away was Blaine Anderson, laughing loudly with his arms around two young girls and a third trailing behind.

"We're going on family vacations now?!" Oliver asked in disbelief.

Kurt shook his head. "I have no idea why they followed us to Africa." _But I'm going to find out._

At the same time, Blaine spotted Kurt, surrounded by his two sons, approaching him, and his smile fell. "Woah!" He muttered, and all three of his daughters looked up at him in question. "Is this a sick dream?!"

Before Kurt could say anything, Oliver stepped forwards. "You're totally stalking my dad!" He accused, glaring at the short man. "You're a sick predator!"

Samantha raised an eyebrow and also stepped forwards, the promise of a threat in her eyes. "Don't talk to my dad like that, ass- I mean, butt hole!"

"Language!" Kurt scolded, forgetting for a moment that she wasn't his child.

Blaine gave Kurt a hard stare. "Hey, how about you don't correct my daughter, alright? She can say butt-hole if she wants to!"

"Butt-hole, butt-hole!" Allie sang.

Blaine nudged her arm without looking away from Kurt. "Not you."

"I hear thunder in the mountains!" Someone cried, capturing all of their attention; a dark-skinned man was approaching them, a permanent smile etched on his face and dressed in clothes that must have been native to the continent. "Welcome to South Africa," He greeted, addressing the two families. "Mfana, at your service."

"Mfana?" Blaine asked, checking to make sure he had it correct. "Right, I'm Blaine Anderson…I'm booked under the name of Jesse St. James."

"Welcome, Blaine Anderson," Mfana greeted enthusiastically before looking at his daughters. "And you are travelling with one little girl and two…" He halted at Espn and Samantha, their tracksuits and short haircuts making it difficult for him to decipher their gender. "Uhh…"

"Big girls," Blaine offered, not sure whether to be annoyed or amused.

Mfana gave a nervous, unsure chuckle. "Of course." He turned to Kurt. "And you must be…Rachel Berry?"

"No," Kurt disagreed hastily, annoyed as Blaine and his daughters started to quietly laugh. "Miss Berry couldn't make it, so I am here with her tickets. I'm Kurt Hummel."

Mfana gave a small nod. "Okay. Now," He tucked his clipboard under his arm. "Are you ready for the most _exciting, amazing_ and _romantic_ week of your lives?"

At the looks his sons gave him, Kurt hurriedly shook his head. "Yeah, no. We're here for the _zero_ romance package."

"You still haven't told the children, my friends?" Mfana asked, surprised as he looked between Kurt and Blaine.

"Told us what?" Oliver interjected quickly.

"Is daddy a homer-sexual?" Allie asked, rather confused. "Will I have two daddies?"

Resisting the urge to face-palm, Blaine tapped their guide on the shoulder. "Mfana? Can you give us a minute?"

"Of course," He agreed, and he backed a few steps away to give them some privacy.

Kurt took a deep breath. "Okay, listen: could you please just reassure my sons that we're not dating?"

"We're not dating!" Blaine repeated firmly to Oliver and Berkley. "I promise you! That's not a face I want to wake up to every morning."

Oliver, who had before been on the verge of smiling, frowned again. "You'd be lucky to wake up to that every day; my dad's pretty hot!"

Espn furrowed her eyebrows. "Did you just say that your dad was hot?!" She asked in disbelief.

"No, not hot-"

"That's just wrong!" Allie giggled, shaking her head.

Mfana reappeared suddenly – clearly he really hadn't been more than a few footsteps away. "Are you ready to see your rooms now?"

They all shared uncomfortable looks at the idea of sharing a room with each other; this holiday was definitely not off to a good start.

* * *

"Welcome to your Family-moon!"

As the doors to the suite opened, the kids all exclaimed in delight and ran inside to get a better look at the beds; Kurt and Blaine trailed behind a short distance away, also awed and wowed by the size and quality of the suite. There was a set of bunk beds with two single beds; there was also a large wooden wardrobe and a large window that looked out onto the plains of Africa.

"That's it!" Blaine decided. "We'll take this room!"

"No!" Kurt disagreed, giving his arm a slap. "We want this room!"

Mfana gave a laugh. "Silly adults – this room is for the children! I will take you now to the adult bedroom, come!"

The four Andersons and three Hummels followed Mfana as he led them up the corridor to another door and pushed it open.

" _This_ …is for the Mommy and Daddy!..Or, in your case, Daddies!"

The children's mouths practically fell open at the sight of the heart-sized king bed; Espn was the first to run and jump on it, flopping back on it in a starfish pose as Oliver, then Berkley, Allie and Samantha followed her.

"I shall leave you alone to unpack," Mfana decided, shooting sly looks at Kurt and Blaine as he left through the door again.

Oliver sat up the moment he had left, frowning to himself. "What part of 'not dating' does this bed fit in to?"

Blaine blinked. "Oh boy…"

"Alright, you know what; conference, now!" Kurt began gesturing to all five of the children. "Oliver, Berkley, over here! That's it, Samantha and Allie over here on the couch…uhh…see-span is it?-"

"Espn," Blaine coughed.

"Espn!" Kurt repeated, sending an apologetic look to the dark-haired girl. "I'm sorry, sweetie, Espn in the chair…Great! Okay…" He trailed off as he looked at the coffee table in the middle of the room; the card addressed to 'Rachel' with a love heart on it, the champagne, everything... "Oh my God…Jesse was going to propose to Rach!"

"And your friend ruined it," Blaine joked. When all he received was a hard look he back-tracked. "Okay, so the first room we saw will be ours – we'll take that. This room can be for you guys. Fair enough?"

Before Kurt could even nod, Samantha frowned at Berkley. "Dude. What are you eating?"

Everyone turned to look at the youngest Hummel, who grinned at them through the mouthful of cherry sweets in his mouth. "Mmm. Cherry Pan-Ties."

Kurt frowned, a bad feeling overtaking him as he walked across the room to his son. "What are 'Cherry Pan-Ties'?" He asked, taking the box from Berkley.

 _CHERRY PANTIES!_  
EROTIC & EDIBLE!  
100% EDIBLE!

Kurt shuddered and quickly turned back to his son. "Spit it out! _Now!_ "

Berkley frowned. "Why?"

"Just, no!" Kurt said shrilly. "You're still chewing, spit it out now! Come on give it to me, Berkley Hummel! No 'Cherry Pan-Ties' _ever_!"

Something told them that this was going to be one long trip.

* * *

After they had showered and changed into clean clothes, Blaine brought his girls down to the dining area for what he deemed to be a much needed lunch; personally, he was starving and he knew that the girls must have been too. That, and Samantha had to bulk up before the next school year for a sporting activity.

"Woah, look at this place," He said to them in a low voice, in awe of the sheer size of the hall.

Mfana saw them and gave them a large smile. "Welcome, Mr Blanderson!"

Blaine blinked. "Actually, it's Blaine Anderson-"

"Hello…" Mfana halted once again at the sight of Samantha and Espn. "Uhm…"

" _Girls_ ," Blaine supplied once again, rather annoyed by this mistake now.

Mfana gave an unsure nod. "Girls. They're _girls_?"

Blaine just shook his head. "That's twice. Come on, guys…I mean, girls," He hastily amended, casting a look at Mfana. "We're at table twenty-three…"

When they reached table twenty-three, there was already one family occupying the table – clearly, there were several families to one table. The couple at this table consisted of a young blonde woman with a rather older looking man; they were kissing in an almost animal way, unaware of the world around them. They also seemed unaware of the teenage boy sitting on the man's side, looking grossed out and embarrassed by the display.

Blaine waited a second to see if they would notice their arrival; when they didn't, he gave a loud cough.

The couple pulled apart hastily and looked up.

"Oh!" The blonde squeaked. "Hi!"

"Hey," The man said calmly, looking unashamed.

Blaine gave them a nervous smile. "Hey there. I think we're sharing a table with you."

"Cool! I'm Dean," The man introduced; he seemed rather friendly, now that they were actually talking to him as opposed to just watching him smooch his partner. "This is my wife Elle and our son, Geoffrey. We're from Vancouver."

At the sight of Geoffrey, Samantha felt her cheeks heat up; he was rather good-looking, if she said so, with high cheek-bones, pale skin and slightly blonde – nearly brown – hair.

Geoffrey gave a scoff. "Okay, I'm _your_ son," He pointed out. "Elle would have had to give birth to me when she was _six_ ; she's _not_ my mom."

"Alright, fine," Dean said coolly, not even phased by this announcement. "Get it out in the open; sharing it, loving it, it's all good."

"On that note," Blaine said quietly. "Let's take a seat, guys."

As they all picked out their chairs, Elle gave a girlish giggle. "Isn't this place so romantic?" She gushed, shimmying in her seat; her dress was only just containing her breasts, and it was a wonder that they didn't fly out. Dean looked at her lovingly, and soon they were kissing again.

Espn was still standing nervously after all of the family had taken their seats. "Umm…Dad? Where should I sit?"

"You can sit anywhere you want," Blaine told her, thinking it was obvious.

She looked around before lowering her voice. "What about Mom? Where does she sit?"

Blaine shrugged. "Where do you want her to sit?"

"Next to me."

"Then she'll sit next to you," He agreed as Samantha gave her a quick comforting rub on the arm. "Look, you sit next to Allie and then your Mom will sit next you."

As Espn took her seat next to Allie, drawing closer the empty chair beside her and keeping herself turned towards it, the other family shared looks.

"Ignore it," Dean mouthed. "Ignore the weirdness."

Samantha smirked as she spotted Kurt, Oliver and Berkley arrive at the table, all dressed extremely smartly. "Ahh…Where's the funeral at, boys?"

Oliver tilted his head and smiled coolly. "Where's the golf tournament at, girls?"

"Oh no…no no no…" Kurt muttered to himself, realizing the situation they were in; he was _not_ eating with them when they were already sharing a suite! "MFANA!"

"Yes, Mister Hummel?" Mfana asked, jogging over to them.

Kurt gestured to Blaine and the girls. "We're not married…We're _not_ sitting with him or his family."

Mfana gave a nervous laugh. "I'm afraid it must happen, Mister Hummel; all of the tables are filled up so we cannot fit you in anywhere else - and this is your family."

Before Kurt could object, Allie smiled up at him sweetly. " _Please_ sit with us!"

The brunette gave a sigh, allowing Mfana to pull his chair out for him. "You give it a try," He continued pleasantly. "Every family fights – you make it better, yes? Anyway, I must go – have a nice meal!"

As he left, Kurt tried to keep the smile on his face; he was doing it for the boys…for the boys…

"Hi, new people!" Dean greeted charmingly, giving a small wave.

"This is Kurt, by the way," Blaine introduced, unable to keep himself from grinning. "And his two kids; Olive and Buckley."

" _Oliver_ and _Berkley_ ," Kurt corrected, giving Blaine a sharp smile. "Alright, I apologize for getting your daughter's name wrong; it's Espn, and I won't forget it next time."

Elle gave a high-pitched squeal. "Isn't this place wonderful? So _romantic!_ " And she shimmied again in her seat.

Oliver's eyes practically popped out of their sockets. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

" _So romantic!_ "

Kurt sent Oliver an only slightly stern look. "Easy, tiger."

"Keeping it classy, huh Elle?" Geoffrey quipped.

Elle frowned. "Geoff, you have something on your face…" In front of everyone, she licked the pad of her thumb and began to rub at his cheek. After a few seconds, she stopped. "Oh. It's a mole."

Oliver and Berkley went to take their seats; when Oliver went to pull his chair towards him, though, Espn pulled it back.

"Hey!" She said sharply. "You can't sit there!"

He frowned at her. "Why not?"

"My mom's sitting there."

Oliver continued to look confused. "What? Is she in the bathroom or something?"

Espn frowned at him. "No, she's sitting there right now!"

Across the table, Kurt and Blaine shared a look; Blaine's was pleading with the other man, begging him to understand. Kurt suddenly understood completely what was going on, and his heart leapt in his chest.

"Are you on meds or-" Kurt hurriedly reached out and pinched Oliver's thigh through his dress trousers. "OW! What was that for?!"

"It's okay, Espn," Kurt told her kindly. "We'll get Oliver another chair."

"Whatever, I'm going to the buffet," Oliver huffed. Kurt caught Blaine's eye over the table again; the dark-haired man mouthed, "thank you" at him, suddenly looking rather serious and grateful. "Come on, Berkley: they eat fried caterpillars over here!"

Berkley grinned. "Hell yeah!" And he was out of his seat like a shot, following after his brother eagerly.

"Good idea," Blaine agreed. "Girls, why don't you also head for the buffet, get some food… And Sam, remember, lots of beef; you've gotta bulk up for the season."

As Samantha stood up, she was pink in the face and made a point of avoiding Geoffrey's gaze. Kurt couldn't help but raise an eyebrow as he noticed this, knowing exactly what was on her mind.

" _Bulk up for the season_?" Kurt repeated incredously. "What is she, a bear?"

As Elle and Dean laughed, Blaine rolled his eyes. "She's trying out for girl's varsity this year; there'll be a lot big tough ladies competing, so she's got to eat her way into the starting five."

Kurt just shook his head at the other man, sitting back in his chair; it somehow reminded him of his dad wanting him to try out for football when he was in high school, and he felt sorry for the poor girl.

* * *

To make sure that the adults got 'alone time' (as was put by many of their guides and commentators), there were many activities occurring both overnight and during the day at the resort they were staying in.

Allie was more than happy to spend an evening with the other children her age, handling small creatures such as lizards, baby ostriches and bunnies. Meanwhile, Berkley was having the time of his life playing in the 'Jungle Gym', filled with exciting activities such as rope swings, rock climbing and ball pits.

Down at the swimming pool, where the lights underwater were the only things preventing complete darkness, Espn stood for most of the night alone by the edge of the pool wall. Oliver looked up when he saw her and smirked.

"What's the matter, Espn?!" He jeered gleefully. "Is your Mom afraid of the wat-AHHH!"

Espn laughed as a wave overtook him, carrying him away and nearly submerging him completely. "Good one, Mom."

At the same pool, a little further down, the older teenagers were partying wildly. Samantha watched from behind a pillar, her eyes drawn to Geoffrey; he, too, was not particularly enjoying himself, instead just looking around at everyone with disdain.

"Hey dude!" A teenage boy called, clapping hands with Samantha as he walked past. "Lot of hot chicks out here tonight!"

_Great. Even in Africa I'm not a girl._

As for the adults…well, that evening's 'alone time' consisted of what was meant to be a romantic ride in a paddle boat, using oars to sail into the lake to spend some time gazing into each other's eyes. Blaine, on the other hand, was just miserable as he sat in the boat on his own, looking up at the stars and feeling lonelier than ever.

After half an hour, he'd had enough 'alone time'; he wanted to be with his girls. Knowing that Espn and Samantha were probably either still having fun or had gone back to the room by themselves, he decided to look for Allie by heading to the petting zoo where he'd left her; when he got there, half of the kids were asleep – his daughter one of them – and the animals locked away safely. Careful not to wake her, he lifted her into his arms and started to make his way to the hotel room for some sleep.

Meanwhile, Kurt had found his youngest son in the gym asleep. He had woken Berkley up gently before ushering the tired eleven year old upstairs to go to bed; they'd all had a long day, and Kurt personally couldn't wait to get to bed himself. After he successfully opened the suite door with the key he'd been given, he nudged his son towards the bedroom they were staying in. He was about to shut the door when he heard a voice call out.

"Woah! Hey! Wait!"

Kurt poked his head out of the door and saw Blaine jogging to the suite; Allie was asleep in his arms, completely dead to the world and not moving a muscle. The brunette held the door open for them, figuring the least he could do was be polite.

"Hey!" Blaine breathed. "Thanks! I know she doesn't look heavy, but it's difficult trying to get into these pockets when you hold her. Are your kids both in?"

Kurt gave a nod. "Yeah, I think so; Oliver texted me an hour ago to say he was heading to bed, so I'm assuming that's where he is."

"Great. I'll see you tomorrow morning," Blaine said before hefting Allie further into his arms and heading in the direction of their room.

Kurt watched him leave before heading for the master bedroom; though he really disliked this Blaine guy, he couldn't deny that he was a good father. His display with Espn earlier that evening had shown that clearly, so he couldn't fault him on that.

"Alright," He muttered to himself tiredly, heading for his family's room; the fact he was _sympathising_ with Blaine was just a sign of how exhausted he was. "Bed it is."

* * *

Blaine was relieved to see his two older daughters already asleep in the bunk bed, and that the two single beds were free; he wasn't quite young enough to sleep in a bunk bed anymore, and Allie wouldn't have liked the height. Not even bothering to undress her, he laid his daughter down on the bed closest to the door, removing her arms from around his neck carefully; she wriggled and rolled onto her belly.

"Alright, goodnight," He whispered gently, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "No covers? No, it's too hot, right…" He grabbed her favourite toy bunny from where she'd left it at the bottom of the bed and tucked it under her arm. "Good girl, love you."

Satisfied that she was asleep, Blaine rubbed his eyes and shrugged off his cardigan, then untying his bowtie. More comfortable, he made his way over to the remaining single bed and gave a small yawn – he really couldn't wait to sleep this whole day away.

"Mom's sleeping there."

Blaine looked up; Espn was looking down on him from the top bunk, blue eyes wide and dark hair messy.

"Oh. Okay," He said quietly, not wanting to wake the two other girls. "Well, maybe I could sleep with her?"

Espn frowned. "No. You'll crush her."

"No, I could just get in and…and spoon with her," Blaine tried to convince her, really just wanting to sleep. "It'd be nice, wouldn't it?"

"Eww," She whispered, making a disgusted face. "I don't want to see that."

He took a deep breath. "Right, no, I understand. Alright, I'll figure something out then – let Mommy rest. Goodnight; I love you."

Espn smiled at him thankfully. "Night. Love you too."

As she shut her eyes and laid her head on the pillow again, Blaine patted Allie so that she was semi-awake. "Come on, Al: looks like we're sharing tonight."

Not even opening her eyes, she budged up to make room for him; once he was lying on the bedspread with her, she wrapped her arms around his neck again and rested her head on his chest – within seconds, she was asleep again.

 _Ow…right on the neck_ , Blaine thought, exhausted. _This is gonna be a long night._

* * *

The moment the sun rose, Blaine couldn't have been more thrilled; despite the poor night's sleep, he still couldn't wait to get started on some fun activities with the girls – he was sure that they were going to love it.

Once he was dressed in clean clothes, he opened the curtains in the room and clapped his hands together.

"Come on, guys!" He exclaimed cheerfully, facing their beds with a positive smile on his face. "Africa awaits us, girls! And it's an absolutely _beautiful_ morning!"

"Are you crazy?!" Samantha groaned.

Espn didn't even open her eyes. "It's way too early!"

Blaine blinked at them before turning to Allie. "Alright…Allie? Will you wake up for Daddy?"

" _In the name of Lucifer_ ," She growled in a low-pitch voice. " _Let us sleep!_ "

This was not quite how Blaine was hoping the morning would go.

* * *

"Up! Come on, boys, up we get!" Kurt announced, dressed in practical – but still rather nice – clothes as he threw open the curtains at the window. "Up you two, I have quite a day planned!"

He turned to look at his sons, who were both still asleep in the heart-sized bed. Oliver was to the left of the bed, hair mussed, earphones in and blaring, and a zebra-print eye mask over his eyes. Berkley was no better; he, too, was wearing an eye mask – though his was in a cheetah pattern – and instead of earphones he had inserted ear plugs to keep out noise.

Safe to say, neither of them showed any signs of waking up any time soon.

Kurt sighed to himself, pinching the bridge of his nose with his forefinger and thumb. "I need a coffee."

* * *

Luckily the breakfast bar was open already, and so Blaine decided to head down there for a drink while he waited for the girls to wake up. It was only when he was approaching the food-laden table that he saw Kurt, who clearly had the same idea as him.

The two looked at each other for a moment, eying the other up; finally, Kurt gave a small nod. "Morning."

"Good Morning," Blaine greeted, giving a pleasant smile as they both reached for coffee mugs. "Big day planned?"

"Oh yeah," Kurt agreed, pulling out a list from his trouser pocket with his other hand. "Seven-fifteen for the nature walk, eight-thirty is the petting zoo, and ten is for the native crafts… The boys are so…" He paused as one of the men serving breakfast poured coffee into his mug from a pot. "They're excited."

"Cool. Yeah," Blaine said half-heartedly, also accepting some coffee. "My girls are…ecstatic too. They're basically jumping up on the bed, can't believe they're here."

The man behind the table smiled politely at them. "Cream?"

"No, thank you," Both of the men said in unison.

"Sugar?"

"Yes, please," They both agreed, and it was only when the man was putting sugar in their mugs that they turned to send each other a look.

Blaine suddenly smiled. "You couldn't get the boys out of bed, could you?"

"No," Kurt admitted. "The girls?"

"The girls will probably sleep in the rest of the trip," Blaine joked. "And maybe a possible exorcism coming for the little one. We'll see."

As they both held their mugs in their hands, looking out at the surroundings, Kurt gave a content sigh. "Well, it's very beautiful here, isn't it?"

"Indeed," Blaine nodded.

They both saw it at the same time; two rhinos were across the plains, one mounted on the other and mating. This just served as a reminded of the trip they were on, and they both looked away hurriedly.

"I'll see you around," Kurt excused quickly, walking away before the atmosphere could become anymore awkward.

"Yeah," Blaine muttered, casting his eyes down. "Have a good one."

The man behind the table chuckled to himself. "You won't see _that_ in America, I bet!"

* * *

Once the girls were all up, Espn and Allie decided to return to the petting zoo for more quality time with the animals – Espn was particularly looking forward to letting her mom watch her hold a lion cub – and Blaine went down to the sports courts with Samantha to play some games.

In truth, Samantha _did_ like sports, especially basketball and swimming – but not quite to the degree that her dad perceived it to be. So she was more than happy to practice shooting hoops with him that afternoon, and when another man joined them with his son, they set up a friendly game of two-on-two.

"Sammi, here you go!" Blaine called, passing the ball to her – he, himself, wasn't all that good at basketball, but he could at least pass her it.

She caught it easily and started dribbling, careful not to lose control of it; the boy marking her was inexperienced and an easy opponent.

"Muscle him, Sam! Use your weight!"

The great thing about being a girl – a skinny girl at that – was that male opponents didn't think you'd be rough with them; they were wrong. Samantha shoved him away, hitting against him with her shoulder so that he backed down. He tried to resist, but after a few pushes he was down on his back against the floor.

"Finish him!"

Not even thinking of watching out for him, she took a step forward and leapt to throw the ball through the hoop; in the process, she ended up stepping on his crotch as she leapt, and he moaned in pain.

And, of course, she scored!

"Well done, Sammi!" Blaine cheered, clapping her as she picked up the ball again. "Way to go, baby!"

Breathing only slightly heavily, Samantha caught sight of someone looking through the fence – it was none other than Geoffrey, who was walking around alone with headphones dangling from his neck and sunglasses covering his eyes.

Immediately the sense of achievement she had felt faded – there was no way she looked pretty or even remotely feminine in that moment.

"Alright, pass me the ball!" Blaine called, catching her attention. "Let's keep it up!"

As she tossed her dad the ball, she had an idea.

"And…let's do this!" Blaine shouted to her, dribbling slightly before lifting it over his head to throw. "Get loose! Heads up!"

Before he could throw it though, the strangest thing happened; his daughter was moving in an odd way, shimmying her shoulders and chest, clicking her fingers and doing the twos-step. She was _dancing_ in the middle of a game!

"Sam, move!" He tried to encourage her. "Come on, what are you doing? Move!"

Samantha continued to dance around the court, clicking her fingers and popping a hip rhythmically. Normally Blaine wouldn't have minded this behaviour, seeing as he was a musical person himself, but for her to do this in the middle of a basketball game was just weird and off-putting.

"Sam?" He questioned, pulling a face. "Just cut! Shake him off, come on!"

And she was skipping in a different direction now, shimmying again with her hands held out.

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Are you _vogueing_ right now?"

It seemed she was; she spun around, running a hand through her hair and posing as if she was in the middle of a photoshoot. From outside the court, Geoffrey was watching with an amused smile on his face, holding in his laughter.

"Here, take the ball!" He threw the ball to her, hoping this might break her out of it.

Instead, she started dribbling _while_ dancing; she was skipping and bouncing the ball at the same time, and it was the most bizarre thing Blaine had ever seen. He knew he had to put a stop to it.

"Why're you moving like that?" He asked, somewhat concerned. "Is it the bra?" Her mouth dropped open at him – at least her dancing had stopped. "If it is, then take it off – I'm not sure you need it anyway."

Going bright red, Samantha cast a look at Geoffrey; his smile had faded, a look of sympathy on his face, and he was turning away now. Feeling tears suddenly enter her eyes, she looked down at herself and at her dad.

He just continued to look confused. "What?"

She'd had enough; embarrassed out of her mind, Samantha threw the ball to the ground angrily and stormed away, reaching a hand up to hide from them that she was crying.

"What're you doing?" Blaine asked, alarmed by this behaviour.

The man they'd been playing with gave him a strange look. "Is your boy okay? Why does he wear a bra?"

 _Oh._ Blaine suddenly realized and frowned at the man disapprovingly. " _She's_ a _girl_ ," He pointed out before deciding to head after her; he couldn't just let her leave in that state.

Left alone, the man looked at his son briefly. "You suck."

* * *

In the meantime, Kurt had taken the boys on his list of activities; the last on the list was quad-biking. Being honest, Kurt wasn't particularly looking forward to that but he knew that the boys were, so he agreed to let them do it if they both wore all of the protective gear. He made sure to tighten their helmet straps himself, just to be sure, and was relieved when they returned in one piece.

Oliver was out of his gear in seconds and heading back to the resort for a bite to eat; Berkley, however, ended up having a bit of trouble with his helmet.

"How tight did you tie it, Dad?" He groaned, trying to pull it from his head without undoing it.

Kurt stopped him before he could do anymore damage. "These things are probably faulty, Berk; I tied your brother's the same, and he got out of it easily enough. "Come here, I'll help you."

But it really was useless; no matter how hard Kurt tried, he couldn't get the helmet off of his son's head.

"Come on," He sighed after a few minutes. "We'll find someone at the resort who'll get it off."

* * *

Older daughters wanting nothing to do with him, Blaine spent the rest of the afternoon with Allie; she and the rest of the little children with their parents (and step-parents, it seemed) were painting their faces and making necklaces or jewellery from string and beads.

Of course, the adults there were mostly mothers-or-step-mothers (as Blaine called this category), and so he was soon listening to their gossiping as he helped Allie pick out colours to paint his face.

"The blending process is really going well for us," One woman gushed, ignoring the child with her almost completely and talking to another woman. "I mean, my husband's thirteen year old still has some anger issues towards me, but it _is_ becoming less physical. So that's a start!"

Blaine tried not to laugh as some of the others said things such as, "well done!" and "good for you!"; he really just couldn't take it seriously.

"Yeah," the brunette woman next to her agreed. "I woke up this morning with a pillow pressed against my face…but I could sense some guilt afterwards, so that's progress!"

"Hang in there, ladies," Another woman – this one British – agreed enthusiastically. "There's a light at the end of the tunnel." She turned to the little dark-haired girl next to her and put on a somewhat false smile. "This…little angel is finally starting to think of me as her second mum - not just her former gymnastics teacher!" She looked down at the painting the girl had done. "What are you drawing honey?"

The girl looked up and smiled brightly. "It's a picture of an elephant stamping on your head and making you dead."

Unable to help it, Blaine chuckled loudly – he wasn't the only one, as a few women also joined in, and even a few of the kids (though some of their parents scolded them afterwards).

"Don't worry!" Someone called. "What happens in Africa stays in Africa!"

The woman went bright red.

* * *

"Get it off me, Dad! My head is boiling! Why did you tie it with so many knots?!"

Kurt gave a huff as he tried to untie the helmet yet again. "I'm sorry, Berkley, but I'm trying as best as I can. Maybe it would help if you stood still! Besides, I didn't want it to come flying off of your head- Oh my God!"

Both Hummels halted as they came face-to-face with Blaine again; this time he was accompanied by Allie, who was holding onto his hand tightly. This wasn't what had made Kurt exclaim though; both of their faces were absolutely _covered_ in paint!

"What happened to her face?!" Kurt asked, voice high and eyes wide. The little blonde girl was smiling radiantly, probably unaware of the mess of paints on her skin; black paint was covering her eyes in large circles, making her look like a panda, and there was some shakily drawn kitty whiskers across her cheeks with a ridiculously large triangle nose.

Blaine looked at his daughter and shrugged. "What? I painted it; she's a kitty cat."

Looking at the shorter man, Kurt raised an eyebrow at him. "Are you wearing eye shadow?"

"I made Daddy a princess," Allie told him. "But he washed the paints off."

"Well, not all the way off 'cause he looks a little like Lady GaGa," The brunette said coyly, turning back to his son.

Blaine, who had just sent Kurt a mock-amused look at the comment, also looked at Berkley. "Anyway, why's he wearing a helmet?"

"No," Kurt admitted. "I tied the chin strap too tight and we can't get it off…I'm sure we'll figure it out though."

Blaine just smiled, reaching into his pocket with his free hand. "The best thing about working in that God Awful sporting store," He started. "Is Swiss Army knives."

Before Kurt could protest, Blaine had pulled out a pocket knife, taken a step forward and cut the strap on Berkley's helmet open.

Immediately Berkley lifted the helmet and threw it away from him, breathing heavily and grinning wildly. "Whoo! Thanks!"

His father just smiled in thanks. "Yeah, thanks Blaine."

Allie suddenly tugged at Blaine's hand impatiently. "Daddy? I gotta go to the bathroom."

"Oh. Okay, sure…"

"Can he take me?" She asked, gesturing to Kurt pleadingly.

Blaine looked at Kurt and back at his daughter quickly. "Uh, I don't think so, sweetie. Kurt's got enough to do, I'm sure, and it's not fair to-"

"It's okay," Kurt interrupted quickly, giving the tiny blonde a smile. "I don't mind; I'm used to the girl's bathroom anyway – I got thrown in there enough times in High School. They're cleaner than the boy's one, so I don't mind taking her."

"No," Blaine disagreed, not wanting the other man to feel obligated. "Al, he's got his own life to live; which one is it you've got to do – one or two?"

"Number one."

Kurt raised a hand to interrupt. "I can handle this," He reiterated. "Besides, I'm less likely to be perceived as a threat in a girl's bathroom; the high-pitch voice throws people off."

Blaine looked between Kurt and his daughter for a moment before sighing in defeat. "Alright. Fine."

"Will you watch him for me? And I mean actually watch him?" Kurt added sternly, putting his hands on Buckley's shoulders.

Blaine gave a quick nod. "That seems fair enough; I'll meet you back here then."

With that, Kurt and Allie started to head in the direction of a bathroom, side-by-side as she looked up at him. "Which one's number one again?"

"Uhh…" As Kurt struggled briefly, Allie reached out and grabbed his hand with her own tiny one, swinging slightly as she beamed. "It's a pee-pee…"

Blaine watched them leave quietly, his heart starting to hurt; he knew that Allie wanted a mother more than anything. And, no, Kurt was not a 'mother' as such but he was still another paternal figure – a slightly feminine one at that, especially to a five year old – and so it was no surprise that she had taken to him.

"Hey," Berkley started, giving Blaine a tap to get his attention. "You work in a sports store?"

He tried not to grimace. "Yeah. Mostly morning shifts, but…yeah."

The eleven year old looked impressed. "Cool! You know what sport I really like? Baseball!" His face fell slightly. "Well, I _like_ it but I suck at it."

"I'm the same with sports," Blaine agreed sympathetically. "My dad used to make me do baseball, though; what do you find hard about it? Maybe I can help."

Berkley brightened up again at this. "Great!"

* * *

"…And sometimes he wipes too hard."

"Ah…I'm sure he doesn't mean to."

"No, he's a good daddy…he just doesn't have a girl pee-pee."

As the toilet flushed, the door opened and Allie exited the stall with Kurt behind her; this wasn't exactly the conversation he was hoping to have with a five year old he barely knew, but he'd be lying if he didn't admit that he found her bluntness really cute.

"Alright," He directed, heading for the sink. "Let's wash your hands."

But Allie wasn't by the sink; she caught a glimpse of herself in the full-length mirror, paint and all, and gave a great shuddering gasp. "HE'S A BAD DADDY!" She cried. "HE MADE ME LOOK LIKE THE WALKING DEAD!"

Kurt hurriedly bent to her level to comfort her. "Oh no, it's okay sweetie," He tried to calm her, picking her up and placing her on the counter between two sinks. "I can fix this…see, look, there's paper towels and some water; we'll just wash some of it off so that you look good, okay?"

Making sure that the water was a warm – but not too hot – temperature, Kurt wet a paper towel and began to dab at her face. Immediately her cries ceased, and she looked at him in wonder.

After a moment, she reached a hand up to touch his cheek. "You're pretty," She decided innocently.

Kurt just smiled at this. "You're prettier, sweetheart."

She grinned, lowering her voice. " _I said you're pretty!_ " She growled playfully.

The brunette paused for a moment; and then he tilted his head. " _Shut up and let me do your make-up_!"

Allie giggled, pleased that he had played along – most adults didn't, thinking it was a strange habit; it was certain, though, that she definitely liked this Kurt guy.

* * *

Espn was just trying to enjoy some quiet time down at the barbeque, walking around and speaking to the locals with a burger in hand – and then _he_ turned up.

"Hey!" Oliver greeted, grinning at her as he ran to catch up with her. She just shot him a disdainful look. "So, I'm sorry about last night; it wasn't cool. We're good, though, right?"

She just eyed him up for a moment before giving a small nod. "Yeah. Okay."

"Great!" The two walked another few paces before he turned to look at her again. "I can't believe that your dad is into mine!"

"What?" Espn snorted. "No way! First off, my dad's straight; he was married to my _mom_ , not a guy. If anything, _your_ dad is into mine!"

Oliver raised an eyebrow. "Oh yeah? Then how come they went on a date?"

Espn stopped walking. "A date?" She asked in disbelief. "What do you mean a date? When?"

"Before the trip, a few weeks ago," Oliver told her in triumph. "I saw it on her e-mails; 'blaine669' on Google, right?"

She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. "Yeah…but why would he go on a date with your dad? He's not gay."

"You sure?" He gave her a nudge with his elbow. "Maybe he was in the closet or something?"

This didn't add up; surely if he was gay then he would have told the three of them, right? Okay, maybe not Allie, but definitely her and Samantha? They were old enough to understand…the idea that her father was possibly gay though did admittedly make her a little uncomfortable; she didn't want a replacement for her mom, man or woman.

A talk with her dad was definitely needed.


	3. Chapter 3

The beach was, as expected, one of the most popular destinations throughout the week; adults, teenagers and kids were all wasting no time in soaking up the sun's rays by sun-bathing or playing in the water on floats. One person who was spending his time on the beach was Geoffrey; earphones in, sunglasses on and a book in his lap, he was sat in a deck chair as he ignored the fun going on around him – he was too old to spend time with his father and his new young wife, and he hadn't wanted to come on this trip in the first place.

He was unaware that a few feet away under a parasol he was being watched by Samantha; the red-head was gazing at him intently, chin resting on her hand as she smiled in an almost goofy way. Similarly, she was unaware that she was being watched as well.

Kurt was well-experienced in noticing lovelorn looks – and, really, this girl was just making it blatantly obvious to _everyone_ around her. Figuring the least he could do was help her and give her some advice, he walked over to her.

"You know," He started loudly, startling Samantha out of her gazing. "You should just go and talk to him; he probably won't bite, if that's what you're worried about."

Samantha just looked at him, slightly sheepishly. "Oh…no…no, I can't," She muttered, shaking her head and looking away suddenly.

Kurt gave what appeared to be an understanding nod. "I see. Boyfriend back home?"

"Please!" She scoffed, somewhat sadly. "All the guys back home pretty much assume that I'm a lesbian, and not the hot kind – not that there's anything wrong with being gay!" She added quickly, remembering who she was talking to. "It's just that I'm not."

"Well," Kurt began, looking over at Geoffrey in deep thought. "Have you ever considered… _maybe_ …changing your hairstyle?"

Samantha shook her head again. "No. Our barber only really knows how to do _this_ and crew cuts." She pointed to her short, frizzy hair uselessly.

"A barber?" He asked in disbelief, not sure he'd heard her right.

"Well, he cut my grandpa's hair, he cuts my dad's hair…and now he cuts our hair," Samantha explained.

Kurt bit his lip and turned to her. "May I just…?" He gestured to her hair and face, and proceeded when she gave a nod. Carefully and with experience, Kurt began assessing the frame of her face, the shape of her eyes and how her hair could be used to compliment her features. "Yeah, I was right," He decided, brushing her wispy fringe back. "You have such a beautiful face, honey."

Samantha went red, pulling away and pulling her fringe back down to her forehead.

"You know," Kurt started conversationally, giving her an assuring smile. "It's funny because I was actually about to head down to the salon for a facial – how about you come and check it out with me?"

The teen seemed to consider this. "Well…for what?"

"For a new hairdo," He told her slowly. "You know, one for a girl…from this century."

"Oh…well, I would," Samantha started apologetically. "But I'd have to ask my dad for the money, and-"

Kurt just shook his head. "No, don't worry; it's on me."

She looked at him with wide eyes, touched. "Really?"

"Yes," He agreed sincerely. "It'd make me really happy; I love my boys, but they're not into that kind of thing, so I never get to do it with them. The only downside to having two boys, I suppose." He patted her arm and smiled brightly. "Come on, Prince Valiant!"

Samantha laughed a little, allowing him to lead her away. "Okay…I have no idea who that is, but…okay!"

As the two began to walk off of the beach, arm in arm, Kurt surveyed her attire; she was wearing a black and blue bathing suit – in fact, all she seemed to wear was sporting outfits, no matter what the occasion. "Where do you buy your clothes?"

"Oh, Dad gets most of our clothes from work," She answered, giving a shrug.

Kurt gave a small laugh to himself. "Figures. I can only imagine the clothes if he worked at somewhere like…Breadstix or something…apron and shirt?"

Samantha just smiled at him. "No, but my mom worked there."

"What?" Kurt stopped walking.

"Yeah," She repeated, not noticing that his smile had gone. "She worked at Breadstix…you know, the one in Lima? She was an assistant manager there."

That explained _a lot_ ; Kurt suddenly felt terrible for his disdain of the restaurant, realizing just why his ex-date had brought him there in the first place.

 _I'll make it up to him somehow,_ He decided privately. _But for now, this one needs a serious makeover._

* * *

"So then he gets down on one knee and proposes, right in the middle of kickboxing class!" Elle gushed, beaming like a light. Geoffrey, sat next to his father, shook his head at the loving looks they were giving each other, whereas most of the others at the table just smiled good-naturedly. "You know, he's lucky he didn't get kicked in the nuts!"

They all exchanged odd looks at that.

"Espn!" Kurt called, quickly re-arriving at the table; he had two plates of grapefruit in his hands, one of which he put on Espn's placemat. "This is the best grapefruit I've ever tasted, you have to try it." As she looked down at it, he placed the second at the empty chair that sat between them. "And I got some for your mom too."

Espn looked up quickly, eyes wide. "Thank you," She said quietly, giving him a touched smile.

"Ah, you're welcome," Kurt brushed off. "It's the least I could do."

Blaine watched this exchange, not quite sure what to make of it; while he didn't want his daughter getting upset at all, he didn't know if it was actually a good idea to encourage this behaviour.

"So?" Elle questioned them, drawing their attention. "How did you two lovebirds meet? Kurt and Blaine, right? I've never met a gay couple before!"

"We're not a couple," Kurt muttered under his breath, but he rolled his eyes and answered anyway. "Well, we met on a blind date."

"Ew!" She looked absolutely disgusted. "Those are the worst! I always got some real fatties on mine! Anyway, what happened? Where did he take you?"

Kurt picked up his fork and began playing around with his food. "Actually he took me to Breadstix."

Blaine put his head in his hands. "Here we go."

"And," Kurt continued, keeping his eyes trained on the shorter man. "It was _wonderful._ It had wonderful service, nice people…really great."

Blaine raised an eyebrow at him, slightly confused by this change in perspective.

"Aww…How romantic!" She cooed, doing her signature move by shimmying with her chest protruding outwards. Oliver, who was sat next to her, stared as her breasts jiggled; Allie, who was in the seat next to Kurt, began shimmying too with a giggle.

It seemed to be catching on, as Kurt also started copying the move, followed by Espn and Berkley.

"Ah! Look! Everyone's shimmying!" Elle exclaimed, pleased with this. Only Blaine was not doing this, attention caught by something else a distance away. "Shimmy shimmy…Blaine!" She stopped and frowned at him shortly. "Why you no shimmying, Blaine?"

Everyone followed Blaine's gaze across the dining area – and mouths dropped open.

It was _Samantha_ – but not Samantha as they knew her: she was walking over to their table in a light green dress exposing her shoulders and highlighting her slight curves, strappy high heels to match. Her red hair was no longer curly and chin-length but down past her shoulders and straight; her face was made up, though not too heavily, with mascara and a touch of lip gloss.

Kurt beamed to himself as he saw her; he had been completely right, of course, about what she needed – she looked _stunning_. It wasn't that she hadn't been a pretty girl before, but more that she was no showing and highlighting it more, no longer hidden beneath tracksuits and a boyish haircut. It wasn't the first makeover he had done or assisted with, but this was still a proud moment.

Geoffrey's mouth had fallen open at the sight of her, a silent 'oh my God' forming on his lips; now that she was dressed like that, it was clearer that she was actually a rather gorgeous girl – and, damn, if he didn't feel just a bit attracted to her because of it. There was something strangely enticing about how she was carrying herself now; her shoulders weren't hunched over to hide herself, but she was up straight with confidence, and the smile on her face was just reinforcing this new found confidence.

Blaine, on the other hand, was about to have a coronary.

As she approached the table, Samantha looked around at them all with a slightly nervous look – in particular, at her dad.

Blaine just stared at her. "Where's Sammi?!" He asked stupidly. "What happened to Sam?"

She shot him a small frown. "I'm right here, Dad," She stated obviously – even her voice was somewhat higher-pitched and louder now.

"Wha…why with the…the…erm…" The dark-haired man continued to look baffled. "How did this…uhh… What's happening right now?"

"Oh, well, Kurt gave me his appointment down at the salon," Samantha told him, shooting the brunette a small smile as she pointed to him. "And they put in hair extensions and make-up and…he even told them how to style it. You know, what to do and what not to do." She looked back at her dad. "He's pretty amazing, Dad."

Blaine raised a brow. "He was amazing, huh?" He couldn't help but shoot Kurt a slightly scathing look.

Geoffrey suddenly stood up from his chair awkwardly. "I…erm…" He stuttered. "Would you like to go and get some sushi from the bar?"

"She has to bulk up," Blaine coughed, resisting the urge to glare at the teenage boy. "She's got try-outs back home."

The blonde looked at Blaine and then back at Samantha. "Let's go get our beef on?" He tried again, and she nodded eagerly.

As the two teens left the table together, only a short distance apart, Kurt let out the breath he'd been holding; his work was done. Not only that, but it had been a roaring success too! It really did please him to see this young girl coming out of her shell (especially thanks to him) and becoming the person whom she wanted to be.

Judging by the looks being sent to him, however, Blaine clearly didn't feel the same.

"What's the matter?" He asked, smile fading just a bit.

Blaine raised an eyebrow at him. " _What's the matter?!_ " He repeated incredously. "I just looked at my daughter - my own _daughter_ – and didn't really recognize her! I'm sorry if that threw me off for a minute!"

Oh boy; this wasn't going to be fun.

"Well, she's fifteen," Kurt pointed out, trying to be gentle about it. "She's bound to grow up at some point, you know."

"I know," Blaine retorted, sitting up straighter in his seat. "Call me crazy, but I thought that that would be _my_ decision seeing as she's _my_ daughter."

Dean and Elle looked at each other, feeling the tension rising. "Okay…" Dean said loudly, taking Elle's hand. "Kind of awkward; let's going to leave the table, who's with us?"

"Me!" Espn and Oliver muttered in unison, standing up at the same time as them.

Allie looked between her father and Kurt for a second before also nodding. "Yeah, me too!"

Realizing he would be the only one left alone with them otherwise, Berkley pushed his chair out and followed them in the direction of the bar. "Same. See you, Dad!"

Left alone, the two men continued to stare at each other. Finally, Blaine broke the silence. "Wow, okay, can I just ask you something?" He started, leaning in Kurt's direction. "What made you think that you could tart up _my_ daughter without _my_ permission?"

"Blaine, with all respect, your daughter is beautiful-"

"I know!"

Kurt just continued. "She's _beautiful,_ Blaine, okay?" He reiterated loudly. "But with that page-boy and…and Prince Valiant haircut you gave her? God, what were you thinking?! And don't even get me started on the tracksuit! I mean, it was so _obvious_ that there was this beautiful creature just _dying_ to burst free-"

"Her mother was tomboyish at her age," The dark-haired man interrupted. "And that was fine with me! Why should Sam be any different?"

The brunette tilted his head. "You knew your wife when she was fifteen?"

"I knew her when I was _ten_ ," He scoffed. "We were best friends as kids, and when we got to high school…well, it was expected that we were going to date…to be honest, I don't think I would have been able to be open and out then." He shook his head as he thought back. "Let's face it; I was fifty percent goofy and fifty percent dork – coming out would have just made it ten times worse. Surely you get that?"

Kurt gave a small reluctant nod. "Yes. I do. I was a loser in high school too – one of those freaks in the glee club who believed they were special – and school was a living hell for those four years. It's not like I could have hid it."

"Oh yeah? If I hadn't had braces," Blaine started, a grin spreading across his face. "Then my teeth would probably be hitting you right now." Kurt gave a laugh at this. "Look, I'm sorry for yelling at you; it's not fair. I mean, you were only trying to help out – and you did a pretty good job too at that. Thank you."

Kurt gave him a smile; not a sarcastic, smart-ass or bitchy one, but a soft one that did wonders for his face. "You're welcome. I suppose we better go and find the kids then, let them know that we didn't murder each other after all."

Blaine couldn't help but give a chuckle as they stood up; despite his first impressions of Kurt, and his worries about the holiday being affected by their previous experience, he was really starting to grow on him.

* * *

The next day, nearly all of the guests went on the safari; families of all kinds were packed into the jeeps with a guide at the wheel and driven around on different roads across the plains to gaze at the animals in their natural habitats. When Blaine and the girls arrived five minutes after Kurt and the boys, they greeted each other in a friendly way – it was almost as if all of the antagonism between the two men had never existed. Kurt was also rather pleased to see that Samantha's hair was still straight and brushed out, that she was wearing girl clothes for once, and she'd even applied a minimal amount of make-up for the trip.

The first animals that they saw, much to the kids' (and Blaine's for that matter) pleasures were a group of large grey elephants; they tromped around through the grass, their trunks lifting at the sight of the jeeps racing around, and they were almost close enough to touch. The giraffes were scattered all over the reserve, eating leaves from the tops of trees or walking to stretch their legs.

At some stops, the passengers were actually given the chance to climb out of the vehicle and pet some animals; Blaine was all too keen to pet one of the baby elephants they found roaming around. As Allie joined him, her father saw Kurt from the corner of his eye begin spraying something on her; when he turned his head for a closer look, he saw it was sun lotion to stop her from getting burnt and smiled at how caring that was of Kurt.

"Hey, Samantha!"

Blaine straightened up and looked at his oldest daughter; Geoffrey had come jogging up to her, sunglasses perched on his nose and hair askew.

"Hey!" He greeted again, grinning at her. "Maybe…Would you like to come in our truck? You know, so we can sit together and all that."

"Dad, can I?" Samantha asked eagerly.

Blaine wasn't too fond of the idea – after all, this was a _family_ holiday – but then Kurt looked up at him with an expectant look; he had to let her be more independent. "Alright," He relented. "But wait for us back at the hotel, okay?"

Whether she heard those last instructions or not wasn't clear; Samantha gave a whoop and hugged him around the middle. "Thanks, Dad! You're the best!"

The jeeps continued their tour throughout the afternoon; in Geoffrey's jeep, Samantha was having the time of her life at his side. The two were laughing and joking together, both enjoying themselves much more than they had in the beginning of the trip. At one point the jeep stopped, and as it halted the two were jolted so much closer together they were mere centimetres apart: perfect kissing distance. Deciding that fifteen years was long enough to wait to properly kiss a cute boy, Samantha went for it at the same time as he did.

Before their lips could meet, however, a giraffe's head suddenly nudged them apart from behind; Samantha was almost crying with laughter when the giraffe stuck its tongue in Geoffrey's mouth for a second.

_First kiss can wait then._

Meanwhile, the family jeep containing the Hummel and Anderson families had stopped at the sight of a particular type of animal; a large male lion was lazing around in the tall grass, his mane bushy around his face, and accompanied by a slightly smaller female who may have been his mate. In between them lay a small creature that must have been some type of pig or warthog.

"Daddy, look!" Allie squealed, practically bouncing in her seat as she tugged on his cardigan. "He looks like Simba!"

"Look, children!" Their guide told them excitedly. "The baby bush pig has lost his family, so it is being cared for my Mama and Papa lion! You see, even in nature there are blended families."

Everyone cooed at the sight of it, touched – that was until the lions both leapt at the pig with surprising speed and caught it in their teeth. As they pulled the poor animal apart, Blaine hurriedly covered Allie's eyes as she let out a scream, and Kurt found himself tightly gripping Berkley's shoulder in fear.

The guide also looked shocked. "Uhh…I may have _slightly_ misread that situation."

At the same time, they all began yelling about the obvious.

"You think?!"

"What the hell, man?"

"Not cool!"

The best part of the road trip didn't come until a bit later; as they were stopping for a bite to eat someplace away from the resort, a group of African drummers had taken to the streets and began to play music; it must have been a common thing, for the inhabitants of the village were soon appearing to dance to the music.

As all of the other guest joined them, Blaine watched from afar with Dean. Samantha was soon dancing with Geoffrey, giggling when he messed up the moves and taking his hand to twirl under. Espn seemed to have fit in with Oliver and Berkley, and three were soon joining hands with various other children to dance in circles – even Allie had made a group of new friends, as she was hanging out with the younger children her own age in the middle of the small crowd that had gathered.

"Emotional, isn't it?" Dean guessed, and Blaine sighed in agreement. "Time passing and changing, all of that."

"It's…It's hard," Blaine muttered; where had the years gone? All three of the girls had grown up immensely over the course of the Africa trip so far, and he didn't quite know how to feel about it.

"It's about moving on," The other man told him simply. "Circle of life goes on, am I right?"

The short man just bit his lip as he focused on Samantha in particular. "She was just a little girl the other day," He remembered sadly. "Playing dress-up with her mommy, sitting at the piano with me…I don't know where the time went."

"It's painful."

"It hurts, doesn't it?"

Dean gave a loud snort. "No – not for me; I've got a boy. You though," He put his hand on Blaine's shoulder with sympathy. "You're in the shithouse."

"Gee…thanks."

Instead of thinking more on that and depressing himself further, he looked to see how Kurt was doing; the brunette was moving in a surprisingly rhythmic way to the drum music, sporting a bright smile as he laughed. After a few seconds he noticed that Blaine was watching him; instead of getting annoyed, though, he skipped – actually _skipped_ – over to him eagerly.

"Come on!" He breathed heavily. "Come dance with me!"

"Oh," Blaine blanched. "No, I can't…I…"

But Kurt was already taking his hands and pulling him to join the dance without heeding this argument. The two men began to dance on the spot, still clasping hands, and they soon fell into a comfortable rhythm with one another; in fact, they were soon enjoying it and laughing wildly together like two schoolboys playing.

Dean chuckled lowly from his vantage point at the two. "Not together my ass."

* * *

Though Kurt liked to believe he was a pretty fun parent, the idea of letting one of his sons – his youngest one at that – go _parasailing_ worried him beyond belief. After all, what were the odds of someone breaking their neck doing it? Of falling and dying?

"Please, Dad!" Berkley begged immediately as they watched someone else do it beforehand. "It's totally safe, I promise – I can do it!"

Kurt bit his lip, not wanting to seem strict. "Well…I just…" He sighed. "Fine, but I'm doing it first _just_ to be sure."

And that was how Kurt ended up tied to the back of a moving truck with an open parachute trailing behind him as Blaine helped to check that the ropes were bound safely.

"Everything's good?" Kurt checked nervously.

Blaine gave a nod. "Yep, looks like it! I don't know too much about this kind of thing, but you've got fifty gage webbing – no tears or anything – and you're strapped in tightly enough, which is good…So I guess this is it."

"Now?" When Blaine nodded, Kurt took a deep breath. "Alright. If I die, tell Oliver and Berkley I love them."

"You won't die!" The dark-haired man scoffed, quite amused, and he began to say something else – but Kurt didn't get the chance to hear it because he was suddenly released and sailing up into the air fast.

_I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die…_

He was gaining height, sailing higher and higher into the sky until everyone below were nothing more than tiny dots on a sandy-coloured strip of land. Clutching the straps for dear life, Kurt opened his eyes and decided to check out his surroundings; since he wasn't dead yet, that could only mean it was going well.

And the view was _breathtaking_.

"Oh, wow!" He muttered to himself, beaming as he watched a herd of zebras run to his right; to his left a group of wildebeest and giraffes that had somehow ended up running together. "This is beautiful!" He called down to everyone, not even sure if they would be able to hear him. "You guys have got to see this!"

As he continued to survey the view, the group of onlookers watched with wide eyes.

"Why is he yelling? Is he scared?" Oliver asked, looking somewhat worried.

"He's happy; he's having a lot of fun," Allie said simply before yelling up at him. "GO KURT!"

Everyone else seemed to share this sentiment, as they were all soon shouting similar sentiments up at him gleefully.

"You've got to try this, Berkley!" Kurt called down to them breathlessly, suddenly much more relaxed than he had been minutes before; what was he worried about? _Both_ of his sons had to do this, whether they wanted to or not, because this was such a once in lifetime thing – they'd never do this in Lima, that was for sure.

Blaine had also been watching from the back of the moving truck, grinning to himself as he watched the other man; there was something elegant and striking about Kurt as he sailed through the air – he was much more relaxed while still looking dignified. It warmed his heart to see such a thing; they really had come a long way, both of them.

All good thoughts flew from his head at the sound of the engine dying.

"Woah, hold up!" He said urgently, turning to the driver. "What's going on? Why are we slowing down so fast?"

The driver looked at him apologetically. "We're out of gas."

"What? What does that mean?"

"We used to have gas, and now we don't," The guy in the passenger seat stated obviously, rolling his eyes.

"Oh no…" Heart dropping, Blaine turned to look back up at Kurt; already this setback was taking effect, as he watched in horror as Kurt suddenly dropped a few feet. "KURT! We're out of gas!"

Kurt, who was now starting to panic again after the short drop, felt his own heart stop out of fear. "What?! We can't be! I'm STUCK up here, we CAN'T be out of gas!"

"Oh no," Samantha whispered, clutching Geoffrey's arm tightly.

Oliver turned to Berkley quickly. "This is all _your_ fault! He wouldn't be up there if you didn't want to do this!"

"Don't worry!" Espn exclaimed, although she looked rather nervous herself. "My dad's gonna come up with a plan!"

Blaine turned to the guides. "What do we do?"

They looked at each other hesitantly. "Uhm…find more gas?"

"Gee, thanks!" Blaine retorted dryly; he'd have to do something himself at this rate. "Okay…KURT! When you get closer to the ground, start RUNNING as FAST as you can!"

Kurt, though panicking, shot him a dark look. "How the heck will that help?!"

"Just do it!" Blaine pleaded desperately; if this man died, he would never get that off of his conscious as long as he lived. "That with the parachute will stop you from falling so fast!"

The brunette bit his lip and steeled himself; it looked like he had no other choice. "Alright…I cannot let my kids see my die like this," He muttered under his breath determinedly before closing his eyes and moving his legs in a somewhat awkward run; doing it in mid-air was much more difficult than on solid ground.

Blaine crossed his fingers and continued to yell in support. "COME ON! YOU CAN DO THIS, KURT!"

"COME ON, DAD!" Berkley shouted nervously.

"DON'T LOOK DOWN, DAD!" Oliver instructed anxiously.

As Kurt neared the ground, the cheering only increased in volume and intensity; for the brunette, he hadn't opened his eyes in the fear that he'd see his own approaching death – and then he felt it, his feet touching the ground. Only then did he open his eyes, in disbelief that he hadn't died in that moment and that he was still alive.

Blaine gave a whoop, grinning once again now that the danger was over. As the kids began to rush over, Kurt's sons relieved and Blaine's daughters in awe that he had escaped without so much as a scratch, the two men looked at each other and smiled.

"Thanks," Kurt mouthed as Berkley ran into his arms.

Blaine just gave a relaxed grin, his lips forming, "You're welcome."

* * *

That night consisted of camping about a mile away from the resort; each family were given tents and blankets to sleep with, and the last activities of the day commenced after a relatively small dinner. The kids were huddled in one large group around the fire; most of them were sitting in the circle with a drum between their knees as they played to a certain rhythm given to them by an instructor. Samantha was sat with Geoffrey, and the two continued to shoot each other fond looks every now and then; Espn had settled down next to Oliver, and the two were content to share jokes between them every few minutes to make the other giggle. Berkley, meanwhile, was running around the fire unsteadily, Allie on his back and squealing with delight at her piggy-back ride.

At the same time, the adults were scheduled for a massage of some kind; Kurt wasn't sure what kind, but he didn't particularly care – a massage was a massage, and he was tired and aching. He stepped out of his tent a few minutes after the sky had turned dark, a large glass of expensive wine in one hand while the other massaged at his neck. He straightened his robe before heading for where the massage tent was located, taking a large gulp of his drink.

Another tent flap opened, and Kurt smiled easily as he recognized a certain dark-haired man. "Hey. You know, I didn't think you were the massage kind of guy."

Blaine gave a small laugh, rubbing at his head gently. "This will be the first massage I ever have – and probably the last at that. Hopefully they'll be able to rub my pancreas out of my neck."

Kurt took a good look at Blaine before smirking to himself. "Oh, wow; I knew that your hair must have been bad if you were using that much gel, but this…wow."

"Yeah, curls are a pain in the ass," Blaine agreed, giving a small shrug. "You can see why I gel them down most of the time – much easier to appear dapper, as they say." He looked at the other man cockily and grinned. "Oh, you're welcome by the way."

Kurt cocked an eyebrow as they began to walk together, swallowing his mouthful of wine before speaking. "What? Why?"

"For saving you, of course," Blaine said obviously.

"You didn't save me!" Kurt denied vehemently. " _You_ told me to keep running – that's it. I mean, if you were going to save me then you should have _caught_ me when I fell."

Blaine gave a snort. "Catch you? What am I, Batman?! I mean, you were coming at me at... _seven-hundred_ miles an hour and weighting about a buck-fifty, the inertia would have ripped my arms off."

"I do _not_ weight a buck-fifty!" The brunette retorted, although it was in good-nature. "Sure, perhaps if I'd been holding your left butt cheek…Anyway," He started pleasantly as they reached the large massage tent. "Have a nice massage."

"Aww, you too!"

As they entered the tent, it soon became apparent that this was not what they had thought it would be.

"Alright! Now do the same to your partner as you continue to look into each other's eyes."

The amount of couples sitting in the tent was almost ridiculous; most of them heterosexual, they were facing each other, and – oh God – massaging _each other_ 's bodies. And, if the sighs of pleasure were anything to go by, this was being done in an extremely intimate and sexual way.

"Err…madam?" Blaine started awkwardly, drawing attention to themselves from the lady instructing. "Hi. I booked a massage."

"Yes!" She nodded enthusiastically. "You've booked for the art of couple's massage!"

Kurt and Blaine eyed each other for a moment, both going various shades of pink in the face.

"Oh, I just got a call from my baby-sitter," Kurt began, feigning an apologetic tone. "Yeah, something's wrong with the boys-"

"There's been an avalanche in my back yard," Blaine began at the same time, already making a move for the exit. "Terrible. Too bad-"

"Come on!" A voice called, and they both realized it was Dean, who was sitting opposite Elle. "This is just what you guys need!"

"Oooh, yes!" Elle agreed in a high-pitch voice. "Please!"

The instructor put her arms around the two men and began to draw them further into the tent. "Come, join us! This way!"

Despite their protests, she was surprisingly strong, and they soon found themselves being sat down on spare pillows while facing each other. As soon as they were seated, she took Kurt's glass out of his hand (prompting an icy glare and eyebrow raise from said man) and straightened up.

"Anyway; let us continue by stroking your lover's neck!"

Neither man moved, instead just eying each other; clearly, neither of them wanted to do this or be the one on the receiving end.

"Come on!" The instructor prompted, somewhat more aggressively. "Give yourself over to your partner's loving touch!"

 _Bitch please_ , Kurt thought irritably. Blaine just continued to look like a lost puppy, really unsure of what course of action to take in this situation, or which one would be the less painfully awkward for the both of them.

Clearly this instructor was not very patient, as she reached down and lifted Blaine's arm, positioning it so that it rested on the other man's neck. "Come on!"

They had no choice, it seemed – giving a small apologetic sigh, Blaine lifted his other hand and placed them both on Kurt's shoulders. "So…I'm going first, it seems."

"Clearly."

Having never done a massage in his life, he started rubbing at Kurt's shoulders as quickly as he could, hoping that if he got it over and done with then they could leave and forget about it. Kurt tried not to make a grimace of pain, instead squeezing his eyes shut in silent protest.

"Softer!" The woman instructed. "Your touch must be much softer, Mr Anderson; lightly brush your fingers against his skin."

"Right. Sorry." Blaine, who was going pinker, tried to concentrate on what he should do; when he looked around, he saw that most of the men were giving their female partners soft circular massaging movements on the shoulder. _It's probably the same for guys too, right?_ Deciding to go with it, Blaine copied this motion carefully and watched Kurt's face for signs he was doing it wrong.

After a few seconds, Kurt let out a pleasured sigh. "Oh, wow; that's actually _really_ nice." He tilted his head back, exposing a long pale neck that made Blaine's insides twitch slightly. "Oh God…this is just _amazing_ …wow…"

He would have been lying if he said that his blood didn't pump faster and hotter in his veins at the sight of Kurt like this; he had to put a stop to it before he lost control. "Not that this isn't nice," He interrupted, looking at the lady quickly – anywhere but _Kurt_. "But is this just for one person or do both get something out of this?"

"Hmm…He's right though!" She announced to the room. "Ladies – and other men, I suppose – it's time you join in. As your partner moves down your body, I want you to reach out and _touch_ his ears." Blaine and Kurt exchanged confused and amused looks at this. "Rub the lobes between your thumb and forefinger as if you were rubbing the morning dew off of a flower petal!"

Kurt, while still puzzled, reached his arms up to do so. "Okay, so…this is just slightly weird…"

"At least we're still getting massages out of it," Blaine said, trying to keep the mood light between them. "Alright, rub the dew, Mr Hummel!"

Kurt tried to hide a smile at how goofy that sounded and began to rub at Blaine's earlobes as asked. "You know, in an odd way, you have nice ears…not too big or anything."

"Gee, thanks," Blaine chuckled, massaging Kurt's shoulders gently. "You have nice shoulders, you know."

"Here, let me feel yours." Kurt moved his hands to lay on the other man's shoulders and began to rub in circular movements. "Oh, wow!" He muttered in surprise. "You have pretty nice shoulders too…lots of muscle. It's nice." He added at the look he received.

"Yeah? Yours are too," The dark-haired man agreed, grinning in an almost flirtatious way. "You know what? I think your muscles are better than mine; nice and defined – mine are kind of getting flabby."

Kurt shook his head. "No. You just want another compliment," He teased. "You're lucky I don't take advantage of you by tickling you."

"Ooh, you dare!"

As the two continued to banter energetically, unaware of how couple-like they must have appeared to on-lookers, Dean sent Elle a knowing smile. "See? It's only a matter of time."

* * *

"Mmm…." Kurt hummed, stretching slightly as they walked back towards their tents together. "Well…that was _lovely_ , I have to say. So _relaxing…_ I've never been that relaxed in my life, I don't think." Looking at his companion, he gave him a coy smile. "So? Did I put your pancreas back where it belongs?"

Blaine gave a blissful smile. "Honestly? I'm not sure where it is right now – and I don't care. Wherever it is, I feel _so_ good."

In the distance, they heard laughter and giggling; they both turned their heads to see Dean and Elle falling into their tent as they playfully grabbed at each other's bodies – there was no doubt what _they_ were going to be doing.

Looking back at each other, Kurt and Blaine gave each other awkward smiles that were almost-shy and innocent. For a moment they seemed unable to speak, as if worried they'd break the peaceful and relaxed atmosphere that formed around them.

Finally, Blaine sent Kurt a thankful smile. "Well, you were very good this evening; you have really nice strong hands."

"Yeah? You too," Kurt agreed, smiling more brightly than Blaine had ever seen him smile. "I'm glad you liked it; I've never done that kind of thing in my life." He paused for a moment before looking somewhat shy. "I know I teased you about it earlier, but I actually like your curls. They're kind of adorable-"

"Daddy?"

From Blaine's tent the flaps opened and a small figure appeared in the entrance; Allie was looking at Blaine expectantly, unaware of the spell she had broken between them. Her blonde hair was ruffled slightly from the day's activities, and she was in a pair of cute _Disney_ Princess pyjamas.

"Daddy?" She repeated tiredly. "Can Kurt put me to bed?"

Kurt, flattered, sent her a small smile; Blaine, meanwhile, gave her a sympathetic look. "Sweetie, I'll put you to bed in a minute, okay?"

"But I want Kurt."

"Well," Blaine started unsurely. "Kurt…Another time Kurt will do that."

She pouted at him. "But I want him to put me to bed _tonight_."

"And Daddy said no," Her dad stated firmly.

Allie sent him a small glare. "Mmm!" She huffed.

"No, Allie!"

"MMM!"

"NO!"

Allie narrowed her eyes at him. " _I want Kurt!_ " She growled in her demonic voice.

Before Blaine could scold her, Kurt had spoken up for the first time. "Alright," He agreed easily, shooting the tiny blonde a smile. "I'd be honoured."

* * *

Kurt hummed quietly and tunefully as he tucked the covers on the double bed around Allie; Samantha and Espn were both asleep in twin single beds on the other side of the room, and he didn't want to wake them up.

"Alright," He started softly, giving her an affectionate look. "Are you all cosy now?"

Allie gave a nod. "Yes." She paused before looking over his shoulder. "Hey, Daddy? Can you give us some alone time?"

Blaine blinked in disbelief, thinking for a minute that she was surely joking; when it became apparent that she was serious he gave a sigh. "Fine, I'll go to the bathroom or something then…kicked out of my own tent."

As he left, Allie sent Kurt a pleased grin. "I _own_ him."

"It seems that way," Kurt chuckled.

"Kurt?" She sent him a slightly pleading look. "Can you rub my head so that I have good dreams?"

Kurt smiled down at her. "Of course, sweetie," He agreed, reaching a hand out to brush her fringe out of her eyes. "Aww…you've got such a cute little head," He cooed, and she smiled knowingly at this. "You know, I'm not very good at telling stories-"

"That's okay," Allie interrupted quickly. "But can you sing to me?"

Neither of his sons had asked him to sing to them in years, and he himself hadn't sung outside of the kitchen at home in years – but he enjoyed singing, and she was asking him to, so he cast back into his mind for a song that might be appropriate for a five year old to hear at bedtime.

And then it came to him.

"Alright," He agreed quietly before taking a deep breath and beginning to sing. " _Somewhere…Over the Rainbow_ …"

Allie's eyes widened as she recognized the song; her Mom had loved to sing this! It was her favourite song as well as her mother's, that's what her father had said – and now Kurt was singing it.

It was fate.

As he continued, she joined in and reached up to link her fingers in his. " _Way up high_ … _There's a land that I heard of...once in a lullaby_ …"

Espn, who hadn't really been sleeping but had been on the brink, sat up as she heard a soft voice singing; for a wild moment she had thought it was her Mom singing. She was slightly disappointed, however, when she looked across the room and saw Kurt sitting with Allie, and that he was the one singing.

" _Someday I'll wish upon a star…And wake up where the clouds are far behind me…_ "

Blaine, who had just been waiting outside the tent, heard everything that was going on and smiled sadly to himself; Louise had loved this song, and every time he heard it he thought of her singing it. But Kurt's voice…it was beautiful and similar to what he believed an angel might sound like when entering heaven.

" _Where troubles melt like lemon drops…away above the chimney tops…"_

Espn didn't want her mother to be replaced; if she was, then that meant that she would be forgotten as if she'd never been there. No woman – or man, for that matter – could take that place away from her Mom, and it hurt her heart as she thought that maybe this day had come. Across the room, her eyes connected with Samantha's; her older sister gave her a small, understanding smile – but she clearly didn't feel the same about it.

 _She doesn't mind Dad moving on_.

" _That's where you'll find me…_ "

Troubled by this, Espn bit her lip and lay back down on her pillow as her mind swam with unpleasant images.

As he finished the song, Kurt's voice became no more than a quiet whisper and he saw that Allie had fallen asleep immediately. Smiling to himself, he quietly climbed off of the bed and looked down at her sleeping; after a brief moment of indecision, he leaned over and pressed a small peck against her forehead. "Sweet dreams, Allie."

Deciding that he had no right to dwell further, he quickly and quietly began to make his way to the exit of the tent – but not before spotting Espn sleeping with a small frown on her face. Kurt stopped and watched her as his heart gave a small tug; he could relate to her, for he had lost his own mother when he was young. Losing his Mom had been one of the hardest things that he had gone through, and he hadn't ever wanted his Dad to move on and replace her.

But then he had, and on Kurt's wishes no less; Carole was a lovely and nurturing woman, and though Kurt definitely didn't think of her as his mom in any way he did love her and respect her because she was so kind and a good factor in his dad's happiness. He had even gained a step-brother out of it; thinking of Finn made his heart hurt a little more – he really did miss his step-brother. When Oliver had been born, Kurt had wanted to name him after his late step-brother – the closest thing he would ever have to a brother – but Adam had disagreed and passed the idea off as 'too cheesey'.

 _At least I got Finn in there as his middle name_.

This couldn't have been an easy time for Espn; she was at an age where she could remember her mother, had lost her at an important time in her life and only wanted _her_ there. Kurt couldn't help but tiptoe over to her and press a kiss to her forehead too. "It's going to be okay," He whispered, more to himself than her.

Once he had left the tent, Espn rolled over and opened her eyes to gaze up at the ceiling. Her skin tingled from where he had pecked her forehead, and she was torn between feeling glad of the affection or guilty because it had come from the wrong person.

Outside, Blaine was waiting silently for Kurt; when he appeared, the two shared a look. Blaine looked sincerely grateful as he nodded in thanks, giving Kurt a small smile in departure; Kurt just looked down at the floor and back up again, also smiling to the other man as he headed for his own tent.

This Africa trip was turning out better for all of them than they had expected.


End file.
